The comforts of re-reads

Life has (probably for the last decade) been challenging to say the least.  

Literally for the past decade, we will feel like we are finally starting to crawl out of whatever difficulty we stumbled into, only to be knocked back down again into something else that is overwhelming, expensive, and/or feels impossible to walk through.  Part of it isn't my story to tell, part of it is too personal to share, and honestly the other part - no one would believe me if I shared it. 

But, even with lack of details, trust me, it has been hard.  

With that said, does anyone else fight the temptation of self-pity when your own life is a messy hard, and summer break hits, or the holidays are here, or some such special time or day of the year dawns?  It is hard to see/hear about everyone else's summer plans and vacations and movie trips etc; and we are over here celebrating that we simply survived another day.  I have decided to stay off of Inst*gr_m for the month of June and maybe July for this very reason.  Because no matter how often I tell myself, 'do not compare their "outsides" to your "insides" ' - I know myself well enough to know that while I am happy for them, I will inevitably start feeling sorry for myself.  

So...

Cue the comfort of re-reading books.

During hard days, weeks, months, and years - I am honestly always looking for ways to tuck in some comfort.  

For myself and my loves.

And so every morning (ironically I overslept this morning and haven't done this yet, but...) I get up, brew a cup of coffee, light my cinnamon candle, and pull out my Bible.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE going through my Bible chronologically.  There is SUCH comfort in seeing God's faithfulness - morning after morning.

I write out my prayers as notes to God. Sometimes I post these up in our house, sometimes I tuck them in my journal.  The cathartic feeling of getting all of that out, coupled with knowing that God is listening, and the comfort and encouragement of going back and seeing God's faithfulness is worth pushing through that "I don't want to pray about this...again."

And finally, re-watching movies and re-reading books are another must for us.  This week I have re-read and/or re-listened to :

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Murder in an Irish Village (warning of language still stands)

and

Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place #2 (Hidden Gallery)

My loves experience comfort in similar (yet very different!) ways than I do.  But for me to be at 100% when they most need me, this is how I make it through.  

this week, I read

The Betrayal of Eden by Erin Phillips (my first book by this author, but now I totally see why she is so popular).  This is a retelling of The Count of Monte Cristo, which I have never actually read so I can only speak to the author's writing skill, not the similarity in story lines.  But Erin Phillips is a fantastic writer!  Highly recommend.

A Midwinter's Wedding by Melanie Cellier.  This is book 3.5 in the Four Kingdom's series.  I am listening to them as we travel to and from appointments and as much as I can before I fall asleep at night.  I REALLY enjoy the narrator and the author's ability to weave a story.  (I am also almost done with The Princess Game (a reimagining of Sleeping Beauty book 4) 

This has been another crazy week with lots of doctor appointments (hence the extra listening time) and I am SO SO SO happy today is Saturday.  It has been a crazy busy month.  

 

PS I finally saw "Unsung Hero" this week.  It was a birthday pick I was supposed to pre-watch (for an April birthday!) but things have been so wonky that I just got to it.  WOW.  What a great movie!  Cried through most of it.  

This week...

Has been busy with doctor appointments (most requiring an hour + drive to get there and an hour + drive to get home).  

This entire month has been/will be like that. (book review at bottom)

But the neatest thing happened.  In the midst of all of the busy preparation and waiting in doctor offices etc;,  I hopped onto Inst*gr*m and saw that Amy Hale had a post.  She shared about this conference that was free through today (Enjoy God's Word by Katie Orr).  I have watched some AWESOME teachings, but by far my favorites have been Katie Orr's teaching on what it means to abide and Summer Saldana's session on suffering.  

When Katie shared this - it was if my mindset totally shifted and a lightbulb went on : (I am paraphrasing from the notes I took) 

God is always, ALWAYS with us.  When we abide with Him in His Word - we turn to Him, acknowledge His presence and talk to Him about everything - where we are right now (He already knows), the questions we have (He is the One with the answers).  

But abiding is literally our turning to Him and acknowledging what is already true - His ever-present Presence.  I don't know if everyone else already "got" that - but for me - for years (decades actually), the word abiding has created some confusion - I have gotten close to understanding it, but practically was never able to grab ahold of it and say "THIS IS ABIDING.  THIS is how you do it." - I bet I have heard this definition before (I have sat under some amazing teachers!) but for some reason, this moment in Katie's talk - it was like a lightbulb went off and now I know - now I can confidentially teach my girls - THIS IS WHAT abiding looks like walked out.  God is so faithful to teach us and patient with us when it takes us a while to "get" something.  

Summer's session on suffering was AMAZING. And this was my favorite quote from it: "Sometimes God doesn't take away the suffering, BUT He ALWAYS gives us more of Himself through it."

Isn't that beautiful?  And ultimately what we crave when we are hurting?

I did read one book and listen to another one this week: Of Hoaxes and Homicide by Anastasia Hastings (was ok, didn't like it as much as I liked the first one) and The Princess Pact: A Twist on Rumpelstiltskin by Melanie Cellier.  This is Marie's story (we meet her in the first book The Princess Companion.  My favorite part of listening to this series (they are free on audible right now) is that each story so far has been a deeper dive into a character you met in a previous one.  She has done a really good job with continuity!!

One of my girls shared her book with me...

And I loved it.  She read DC Superhero Girls Spaced Out - a graphic novel.  Immediately she brought it to me and asked that I read it too.  I did and was surprised by how much I liked it.  I don't usually read graphic novels, but I enjoyed it.  It was made so much for special because she shared her book with me.

Read two lovely books this week

Miss Buncle's Book by D.E. Stevenson.  I first heard about this book from Sarah Mackenzie (Read Aloud Revival).  It is SUCH a delightful little story.

Of Manners and Murder by Anastasia Hastings.  I initially got this book simply for the narrator.  Mia Hutchinson- Shaw has become one of my VERY favorite narrators.  She narrated the first two books from the Soul Cold as Frost series (in my opinion, the audible series was ruined by the narrator of the last two).  As I began to listen to the story, I realized this was SUCH a cute, cozy mystery - I LOVED it.

It has been a long week

Buddy came home late Tuesday.  I am SO thankful that he is ok and that his incision is healing nicely.  

It has been a looong week - between his meds and the chronic medical conditions of others in our household - I am SUPER tired. 

I re-read (actually re-listened to) Sense and Second-Degree Murder this week during the nights as I stayed up to keep Buddy from bothering his incision and to give him meds and in the mornings - as he slept more and I was able to sleep more - I have been reading the book of Mark.  All of my Lent reading plans went out the window, so I chose to read through Mark to help keep my mind focused on the entire reason we are celebrating anything this week.  

And the neatest thing happened.

As I got to the end of Mark 9, I noted something I had never noticed before.  Jesus says "For everyone will be salted with fire.  Salt is good, but if salt loses its saltiness, with what will you season it?  Have salt among yourselves and be at peace with one another."  

As I puzzled this out, I decided to pull up the commentary on Bible Hub to see if I could get a better grasp on this passage of scripture.  Normally when I am reading this passage I am totally zeroed in on the father and his desperation to help his child.  He prays the BEST prayer - I believe, help me in my unbelief.  But this time through verses 49-50 jumped out at me.

I utilized Bible Hub and read through MacLaren's Expositions and spent every early morning I could taking notes and thinking through what he said.  If you have time - I included the link (click on MacLaren's name) - 

Happy Holy Week - tomorrow morning is Resurrection morning.  

*sigh*

This year has been brutal so far.  

This past week our beloved chihuahua started throwing up.  

Every other day would find us at the vet until he had surgery on Saturday.  

He had eaten several pieces of fabric.  

Unbeknownst to us.

I truly thought he was dying yesterday morning.  But our vet (she has actually performed every single surgery on our pets - from rabbits to dogs) came in on her day off and examined, x-rayed, and then stayed to do the surgery for him.  I am so incredibly thankful.

This little guy is our whole world.  He will be 13 next month and while I know he won't live forever, I am so thankful for more time with him.  

I am so behind on everything.

My reading challenge.

School and cleaning and Bible plans - everything is moving at a snails pace right now.  Every day I wake up thinking today will be the day when things calm down and get back to more of a normal cadence and then something else happens.  Ironically (or not so much if you stop and really think about it) the thing that God has been teaching me this year is that I need to learn to trust Him.  

Not my circumstances.  

Not the plan I made.  

But Him.

And each day I see His hand.  Like the fact that our vet was in town, available, and willing to come in on her day off to take care of our fur-baby.  That's such a gift from Him.  And we are SO incredibly thankful for our vet.  She truly cares about our pets.  So - although I missed another book blog post this week, and although I am still in the book of Numbers for my reading plan, and although we are still in chapter three of a book we started two weeks ago...it is all going to be ok.  

Not because the circumstances are going to magically change.

But because God is good.  

And He is trustworthy.  

So I can hang on to Him and let Him teach me how that is more than enough.