Saturday, January 7, 2012


I love to read them, speak them, listen to them and I love to write them. Occasionally they make sense, lots of times they do not. Usually they pour forth from me like an unchecked water faucet. Sometimes I am really proud of the words I speak (or in some cases refrained from speaking), other times I am ashamed and humiliated that that actually came out of my mouth.

Words have shaped my life much like water shapes rock as it runs over it. Some ruts are made from continual wear and tear, others are made from one sharp, hard blast, while yet others are drip dropped smooth. I have written my words in journals, on scraps of paper, in notebooks, on the back of napkins and on the sides of cups. Snidbits here and snapshots there. Most of it adds up to just that - a bunch of words that tell a piece mill story of an average life. But I want more. I want to write every day - write what I see, what I imagine, what I feel, what I dream of, what I am scared of, what I am thankful for, what I am learning to be thankful for.

So today, I loved driving to the store and seeing the sun set on the dry wintered grass, the ducks swimming in a neighbors pond, the bicyclists pumping their legs up a hill. I love the quiet of the morning and the craziness of the day. I love the cuddly bed times and the yummy candles. I do NOT like crabby moments that happen every day, sometimes more than I feel that they should. I love the first sip of hot coffee on a cold morning and the excited feeling I get when I realize today is a day that I get to run. I love the good days and am consistently struggling to learn to patiently appreciate the difficult days. I love to teach my children and learn from others. I love porches and rocking chairs. I love being able to encourage someone and HATE when I feel that I have failed at this. I love being able to say GOOD JOB and do NOT like that I have to say "that was awful, here is why, please try again". I love when I use words the right way and build others up, I absolutely hate when I do not use words in a godly way and instead I hurl them as if they were weapons. I hate that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you have really, really messed up but I LOVE that feeling after you have said "I am sorry" or "I forgive you". I LOVE chocolate and coffee and wish they were zero calories :). I do NOT like the first five minutes of most things except for a good book, a nap or a hot bath. I love to eat a good steak dinner with a fresh crispy salad and hot baked potato, but I do NOT like knowing that while I have plenty others do without. I love reading about others and how they are making a difference, touching lives and changing circumstances. I do not like feeling like I should be doing more and I am failing to make a difference. I like knowing that I am investing in my children who might in turn go out and touch countless other lives, I do not like knowing that I fail more than I succeed at this.

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