Five Minute Fridays from Gypsy Mama
The bitter, heavy pit in my stomach tossed and rolled with each thought. I ached from head to toe with regret. Why did I utter those words? And in that way? Why did I make that choice? I cannot capture them back, it would be as useless as trying to scoop the milk once spilt back into the container.
How do I grasp the forgiveness that He offers? What do I do with the guilt? I need His compassion and His mercy to hammer away the bitter parts and to soothe this deep ache. The tears fall. The sobs shake me from head to foot. I can go no where far enough from me and my own thoughts. As I lie there thinking about it all, allowing the days and weeks and months to slowly play themselves out in my thoughts I realize that I need something more than my now drenched pillow and stuffed animal for comfort. My entire household sleeps but I do not. I roll over and grab my Bible. The pages are well worn, some with tear stains as I have fought it out between the pages. Trying to understand and humble myself before His Wisdom. Page after page pass and then finally I stop. Holding my breath I quickly scan the lines until that passage stands out and screams to me. I read it, re-read it. I breathe it in and exhale it out. I ask Him to write it on my inner most parts. This truth, this hope...slowly that deep, gut-wrenching ache subsides and slowly the comfort penetrates.
I am not sure if I am the only one who has regrets that at times seem to just pile up. There are moments that if I would allow it, it would almost choke me. I have grabbed onto this passage with both hands in that moment and slowly He has loosened the hold of regret and ignited the spark of hope deep within me. Psalm 103 is the passage - but specifically verse 8 and verses 11 and 12. Great is His love. He is steadfast and sure. I saw a quote not too long ago that said "I cannot boast of my love for God, for I fail daily. But I can and will boast of His unfailing love for me." Unfortunately I did not note who said that quote, it just stuck with me as I was passing it by.