I do just about every single thing I set out to do wrong.
I grumble and whine and complain and think things like "this isn't how it is supposed to be" or "this is TOO hard, too much, too heavy to bear".
On those days it becomes all about just making it through.
Then when it is all said and done and everyone else is tucked in, the guilt sets in.
I re-read my journal entries where I detail my ideals and values and goals and I sit there in utter defeat realizing how far I am from where I desire to be.
What do you do when your day or week or month or even year is not measuring up to what you set out to accomplish/become?
You start reminding yourself of the truth of Who God is.
When I cry at night sitting beside my husband with words that are barely coherent he picks me back up. He uses his words to lift me up and encourage me. He points out how far we have come, not how far we have to go.
And he inevitably says something to make me laugh.
The blubbery, snotty, red eyed laugh of someone who just spent the last hour crying :).
And he says something along the lines of "this is our rebuilding year". This always brings a chuckle, because we have had a rebuilding year for about three years now :) - but lately I have begun to realize that is what life is.
If you read the Bible and believe God is who He says He is, then aren't we always rebuilding? Tearing down the areas that do not honor or glorify or even reflect Him and rebuilding? Isn't that why He reassures us over and over that His faithfulness is great? His mercy is new every single morning? That His love is unfailing. And His willingness to forgive us unparalleled?
Because when those days come that we see how far we are from where we need to be, we need hope. Not hope that tomorrow we will get it right, but hope that no matter what tomorrow brings He is. He is the hope. We need reassurance of His great unfailing love and His mercy that springs forth fresh and new every single morning. Because sometimes all you can do is make it through that day. And we need to know that He is bigger than any mistake we can make. We need to know that when it is all said and done and we take our final breath here, we will be able to launch ourselves into His arms waiting wide. He is holy and pure and so so good. He is very serious about His Word - His Torah, His Shabbat. He is also very serious about loving us, being patient, kind and full of mercy. I have so much to learn about Him, so much I do not know, but one thing I am sure of is this - He is my portion and that in and of itself is overflowing awesome.