Yesterday was one of those days. You know the ones where you have such high hopes and then by bed time you are counting down the minutes until you and your household can just crawl in bed, forget it happened, rejoice in the fact that you survived it and hope for a better tomorrow. These are usually the nights that the guilt eats at me, the tears will fall, and I will feel like the BIGGEST failure this side of the Mississippi.
Simply because I know better.
I know how I should respond, how I should handle the moments of my day and what mothering should look like. I have read the blogs and the books that teach what a mom should look like. I also know deep down who God has called me to be. But yesterday, by the end of the day if I am honest I did not do any of the shoulds. I spoke in a grumpy voice, I was impatient, I complained and nagged.
What do you do when that happens? What do you do when you fail to be everything you should or even a fraction of what you are capable of? Well first of all you get a big dose of reality that you are human. You have these ideals and these goals - and they are very good - very rich. But the reality often times leave you feeling like a failure or a hypocrite. However I think it is good for your soul to have those reality checks. Good for your children and those around you too. Because you realize, they realize that we are all dependent on God's mercy. None of us have it all together, no matter how good of a show we put on for others. None of us have perfect days and are good mother's all of the time. We instead have to lean into, grasp with both hands that God's mercy is big enough to cover us when we fail.
He is there, waiting for us. Take your tears to Him. Cry in His lap. Confess to Him and to anyone else that you need to when you mess up. Acknowledge your mistake, point out what you should have done, ask for forgiveness and then LEAVE it behind. Don't pick it back up and stuff it in your backpack of memories. Don't dwell on it or beat yourself up over it. Don't let it deter you from picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and seeking God again and again and again.
Great is His faithfulness, His mercy is new every single morning.