Saturday, December 12, 2015

Sometimes it's just hard

Sometimes life is hard.

It feels heavy and frustrating.

I look around at everyone else and compare their outside with our inside and feel defeated.


Then I cry out to God, He lifts me up, gently dusts me off, and reminds me that I never see the whole picture.  Not with my neighbors, certainly not with the lady in front of me in check-out, not with my friends and family, and goodness gracious not even with myself.  He is always doing more than I could possibly understand or comprehend.  I mean if I have to call my husband or father in law to help with math so I can then turn around and explain it my kids, then how in the world do I expect myself to comprehend every detail, every possibility of every moment in life that is orchestrated by an infinitely loving God?  I can't.

In those moments I am looking at life backwards.  It's like looking at a painting or drawing that bled through the page.  You can't possible gaze at the back and decipher the image, it's impossible to fully bask in the beauty by gazing at the messiness of the art that spilled over.  The back was never meant to be displayed.  It's always tucked away, hidden, and secret to everyone save the artist himself.

This week I have become more and more aware of the disproportionate times  I am tempted to try and make sense of something that's not mine to make sense of.  Instead I am challenging myself to fully gaze at His beauty, His Word, and appreciate the gifts He's tucked in each day to refill me when I am dry and empty.  Gifts like from this week when I opened my email and read an unexpected blog post reassuring me other moms have more questions than answers, broken hearts as they watch their kids stumble and struggle through, on, and over things that come so easily, so naturally to most kids.  Then there are the texts from friends and family of insights they are gaining about God, a *John Piper quote in an Ann Voskamp blog post, a sweet card from a blogging friend, and finally an unexpected amazing hour long coffee 'date' with a friend of mine that moved out of town a while ago.  She has this love for her husband and kids that's palpable.  I love getting to talk to her and listen to her.  It's so rare for me to get an hour away, it's such a sweet gift when it's spent with such a lovely person.

So yes life is hard, the days are long and feel insurmountable sometimes, but you know what?  He's enough.  His strength is enough to carry us, His light is bright enough to illuminate the darkest of nights, His presence is strong enough to still be standing long after my doubt has exhausted itself.  His forgiveness and ability to open doors that are shut and shut doors that cannot be opened are deep enough, wide enough, and long enough that my sin cannot exhaust them.

He simply is enough.

*The John Piper quote (roughly remembered/not exact quote) : God is always doing about 10,00 things in our lives on any given day, we comprehend maybe three of them.

Deuteronomy 29:29
The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.