Tuesday, October 20, 2020

Sharp Sting

I have grieved the loss of pets before, deeply saddened by their daily absence.  

But this time is different.  

I am surprised by the depth of grief that I feel.  It is a sharp sting, an irreplaceable loss, compounded by the fact that I made the decision (after lots of conversations with my husband and our veterinarian office) to put him down.  

In the past year he had become an almost constant companion to me - I held him a loooooot, rocked him at night - the seizures and/or medications creating an anxiety and sometimes aggressiveness in him that made his day to day care too much for my girl, who has chronic heavy health struggles of her own.  Our entire schedule revolved around him - when his next dose of meds were due, feeding him - watching carefully that he didn’t choke, walking him but being watchful he didn’t seize outside etc; that I now find myself wondering around - with an anxious feeling that I am forgetting something really important - only to realize he is gone.

I miss him.  Soooo much.  

Friday, October 16, 2020

February 12, 2016 - October 16, 2020



Four and a half years ago we brought home a tiny, wiggly, chubby-tummied puppy.  He was so full of mischief and personality and curiosity and energy.  We bought him to replace a service dog for one of our daughters, so as you can imagine, this puppy was so much more than just a pet. 
From the beginning, this little guy (my daughter named him Arendale, nicknamed Duppy) struggled with chronic diarrhea.  For two years solid we were at the vet for every six to eight weeks, no one seemed to be able to unravel the mystery of it.  Meanwhile, he lost weight and yet ate with an ever-increasing urgency to the point of choking.  We actually had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him twice, he choked and almost died.  
Finally, on a weekend in February - actually a few days before he turned two, we went to a new vet.  They thought to do a set of x-rays, and to everyone's surprise he had twenty-four pony tale holders and two bottle caps in his tummy.  We were shocked.  He was always in a kennel when we left the house, we homeschool, so he was always right with us - not that he couldn't have swiped a few things without us noticing, but twenty-four pony tale holders???  Later, when we brought him home with his after surgery-cone, we discovered that he had been letting himself out of his kennel.  Only he couldn't quite be as quiet and sneaky with that big cone on 😁.
He had about six months or so of no vet visits, no emergencies - he could just enjoy being the puppy.
Then he started having seizures.  What felt like an especially cruel blow is that he belonged to our daughter that also has epilepsy.  
I have posted several times here about the constant up and down, the trips to the vet, the changes and increases in meds, the two stints in puppy ICU...
This morning he started seizing again.  So, we made the excruciating decision to proceed with end of life care.  I am absolutely devastated.  I loved this little guy so, so much.  I have never, ever had to put a dog down, they have always just died - this was/is a gut-wrenching decision.  These dogs - they truly become your best friends.  
This afternoon, I was so upset and questioning and praying - asking God to comfort me, reassure me.  About five minutes later, the doorbell rang.  Our vet office sent us a gorgeous boquet of flowers, and a card.  
 

Wednesday, October 14, 2020

Reading Challenge Update :)

 SO, it's been a while since I have posted about my reading challenge.


The One and Only Ivan by K. Applegate
I absolutely LOVED this book.  I preread it *my kids had already listened to the audio version* so I could watch the Disney+ movie.  I liked the movie, but I absolutely loved the book.  

Mulan by Elizabeth Rudnick (the live-action novelization)
I read this to my girls.  We really enjoyed it.  I am excited to see what Disney does with the movie.

Fear Gone Wild by Kayla Stoecklein                                                                                                          If you or someone you love is struggling with mental illness, you need to read this book.  I was familiar with this story before I read her book, and I admittedly thought it would read differently than it did, but I am so glad I read it.  If nothing else, this book will encourage you that you are not alone and give you another perspective and some encouragement when you aren't sure what to do to come alongside those walking this path.

"True faith is about being faithful, no matter the outcome." pg 42

"We can ask God to teach us how to embrace and live with the pain and we can press on through every trial knowing the finish line is near." pg 43

I am almost done with :

Uncovering the Logic of English by Denise Eide (this is a re-read and taking a long time because I am taking lots of notes)

Unoffendable by Brett Hansen.  WOW!!!  This book! I need to do a post JUST about this book.  I checked it out from the library but then ended up buying it on Kindle because I need to read and re-read this book. I constantly find myself being offended by just about everything recently - UGH.  So basically this book is a mix of course correction, a swat on the rear, and a better way to look at life.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to one of my girls, Allies by Alan Gratz to another one of my girls, and the Betsy-Tacy series, and The Warden and the Wolf King to all of my girls.  

Save the Date by Jenny B Jones (a re-read, sometimes you need the comfort of a well-loved book, do you not?)

I also started the To The Word 2020 challenge - a read through the Bible by next May.  Life gets crazy and I am exhausted much of the time, but finding the moments to read - it is SO worth the ten minutes here, fifteen minutes there 💝

Thursday, October 8, 2020

Glory!

Today is SUCH a beautiful day.  

The kind of day that just makes you stop in your tracks and gaze at the beauty and your soul wonder at the magnificence of a Creator who could orchestrate moments that literally take your breath away. 

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.



Day after day they pour forth speech;


night after night they reveal knowledge.


Without speech or language,

without a sound to be heard

their voice has gone out into all the earth, 

their words to the ends of the world.

In the heavens He has pitched a tent for the sun.

Like a bridegroom emerging from his chamber,

like a champion rejoicing to run his course,

it rises at one end of the heavens 

and runs its circuit to the other;

nothing is deprived of its warmth.

The Law of the LORD is perfect,

reviving the soul.

the testimony of the LORD is sure,

making wise the simple.

The precepts of the LORD are right, 

bringing joy to the heart;

the commandments of the LORD are radiant,

giving light to the eyes.

The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever;

the judgments of the LORD are true, being altogether righteous.

They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold;

they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.

By them indeed Your servant is warned;

in keeping them is great reward.

Who can discern his own errors?

Cleanse me from my hidden faults.

Keep your servant from willful sins;

may they not rule over me.

Then I will be blameless and cleansed of great transgression.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O LORD,

my Rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 19