Tuesday, March 14, 2017

struggle with worry

I have written here quite a bit about my tug of war with wanting to trust God and my propensity to worry, stew, and anxiously pick apart each day.

This morning I decided to start in Psalm 1 and slowly work, write, and art journal my way through the Psalms.  I have no set schedule, no deadline, no daily quota of scripture to meet.  My only desire?  To dive deep.

I love Psalm 1.  It is one of the first scriptures my kids learned, and it is one that convicts me.  Every.single.time. I read it.  This morning was no different.  To begin with I copied down the verses that I was focusing on, and then using the Blue Letter Bible, (have you heard of this site?  It is awesome!!!)  I dove into each word and read through several translations, before looking up definitions of words that caught my attention and then browsing through the commentary.

Anyway I found myself listening to an Elisabeth Elliot commentary this morning and she mentioned a book my kids and I just read, "Pilgrim's Progress".  She referenced when Christian finally found himself at the Cross and how his burden literally just rolled off of his back.  I hear that phrase a lot, 'leave you burden at the Cross', or 'focus on the Cross and your burdens will lift'.  I am not sure if it is just me, but when someone says that I get really frustrated.  It doesn't seem to be my reality.  I know God is good, even when things seem like they are crazy unfair - that He is a God of justice.  And that He has a plan, a plan to give us hope and a future.  He promises it over and over and over in His Word.  But, at the same time, I am not peaceful, I am anxious.  So in utter frustration I googled 'how do you bring your burdens to the cross' - and guess what?  God met me right there and finally something clicked that hadn't before.  The first thing that popped up was Psalm 55:22, "Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken" - then I read the Matthew Henry commentary at the bottom.  "Whatever it is that thou desirest God should give thee, leave it to Him to give it in His own way & time.  Care is a burden, it makes the heart stoop.  We must commit our ways & works to the Lord.  Let Him do as seemeth Him good & let us be satisfied. (emphasis mine)

That is the key.  Let God do as what seems good to Him and let me be satisfied with it.   I ask Him to do the first, but I never rest in and am satisfied with His answers, especially when it is hard and heavy and involves my kids' health struggles.  But, I will pray that God gives me the contentment, the satisfaction in His every decision.  Then the peace will come.

1 comment:

  1. Amen, Sistah. Me, too.
    (Reader from Coffee Tea Books and Me)