It started with a week in which everything seemed to go wrong from our car not working, to our lawn mower kicking the bucket, to our puppy getting a tummy bug. Then our plumbing went out and our puppy got a tummy bug. Then our puppy got another round of diarrhea. Then we switched vets and he again went through several food changes, probiotics, antibiotics, steroids, puppy Pepto Bismol...meanwhile every few weeks I was up all night with him, his tummy just couldn't seem to get it together. This all culminated in him getting very, very, very sick a few Sundays ago. We found an emergency vet that was open, took him in, and I requested an x-ray since every other idea had been tried to this point, with nothing truly helping. His ribs were showing and he looked like he was just not being fed, yet every meal he attacked his food to the point that several times he choked (not breathing, staggering around...I would have to sweep his mouth free, meanwhile we were all terrified). We have a maze dish, we have separated out his food scoop by scoop, having him wait to eat each helping, I have even fed him kibble by kibble for his meals. Nothing helped.
Well, when the vet showed me his x-ray, I was stunned. Somehow, this puppy that was chosen to replace my daughter's service dog, who is either always by her side or in his kennel, somehow he had a tummy FULL of foreign objects. He immediately went in for surgery. Of course, this came in the midst of other problems, one of which (second time in six months) I had somehow misbalanced our accounts - like REALLY misbalanced them. And, emergency vet surgery is not cheap. Two of my kids came down with a skin rash - one that took MONTHS to get over two years ago. And this is on top of all of the special needs that consume our days and other issues that are too personal to share here.
It.has.been.hard.
I cannot tell you in words how hard this season has been.
I feel SO crazy to type that statement. Because taken on their own all of these issues are so minor in light of what others are going through. A teenaged boy who lost his mom to cancer right around Christmas, after having lost his dad to a heart attack unexpectedly several years ago. That's hard. Or the school shootings. That's incomprehensibly hard. Or the police officers being gunned down in what seems like daily attacks recently. That's hard. Or the people who have lost babies, homes, spouses, or are facing major health crisis. Hard, hard, hard things.
Yet, to me, these things that just keep happening seem like a tsunami wave of insurmountable difficulties. Literally, since late summer, every few weeks something happens that just upends everything. Anxiety and worry claw at my heart. How are we going to do this? What if this puppy, who is so important to my daughter's daily care and comfort, what if he dies? After the disastrous service dog experience, I actually beg God to spare this dog's life. Daily. Why can't things just calm down and be boring? Why can't I handle these things like a duck sheds water? Why can't I balance everything with grace and patience and trust in God, like other people seem to?
I
I believe the Gospel with all of my heart, I just never knew it would take such effort to preach it to myself when my circumstances don't unfold smoothly.
No comments:
Post a Comment