Sharp Sting

I have grieved the loss of pets before, deeply saddened by their daily absence.  

But this time is different.  

I am surprised by the depth of grief that I feel.  It is a sharp sting, an irreplaceable loss, compounded by the fact that I made the decision (after lots of conversations with my husband and our veterinarian office) to put him down.  

In the past year he had become an almost constant companion to me - I held him a loooooot, rocked him at night - the seizures and/or medications creating an anxiety and sometimes aggressiveness in him that made his day to day care too much for my girl, who has chronic heavy health struggles of her own.  Our entire schedule revolved around him - when his next dose of meds were due, feeding him - watching carefully that he didn’t choke, walking him but being watchful he didn’t seize outside etc; that I now find myself wondering around - with an anxious feeling that I am forgetting something really important - only to realize he is gone.

I miss him.  Soooo much.