Read this and wished I hadn't

This past week I decided to make a sort of table of contents for my kindle.  There are so many books on there that I have no idea what I have and what I don't.  How am I supposed to read it if I don't know it's there?  Anyway, I found a book Cinderella in Skates by Carly Syms that I didn't even know that I owned.  I love ice skating, so I figured why not?  

I will tell you why I wish I had skipped this book: (SPOILER alert below - do NOT read this review if you plan on reading this book)

Shane - the main love interest guy was a JERK.  I don't think he should have been a redeemable character after about the fifteenth chapter.  Seriously.

There was a girl who was a girlfriend of a teammate and she obviously had a thing for Shane.  It built it up in one chapter, but never even mentioned her again?  That was weird.

BUT the worst part?  Natalie (the main character) finally gets some ice time, crumbles under the pressure and her recent heartbreak and the dad's reaction?  HORRIBLE.  Seriously WHO says that to their kid?  

This could have been a cute story, but the relationship dynamics killed it for me.  Wish I could get the time back I wasted reading this.

The Ruins of Gorlan

by John Flanagan

This is one of my favorite, favorite books of 2024.  My youngest and I listened to it early in the mornings and it was AWESOME.  The narrator does SUCH a great job.

Will and Halt and Horace are my favorite favorite favorite characters!  It is SUCH a great story, you HAVE to take the time to listen and/or read this book!  I cannot wait to start book two.  

Another piece to the puzzle

A few weeks ago I was SOOOOO frustrated and discouraged after a Bible study class.  (my last post was about the conversations I have had with my teacher this fall - a kindness of God!)

When I left I was fighting back tears, praying quietly in my heart, and the sweetest lady approached my girls and I as we were walking out the door - saying how glad she was that we were there and asking if we needed help to our car.  I KNOW that was God's kindness - His love and attention - right there in front of me.  Letting me know He sees, He knows, and that He cares.  

Immediately when I got home, I called my mom to ask her why this was so hard.  Why am I circling the same issues over and over and over again?  Why are our days so hard?  Why are simple things (like going to a Bible study) so hard for us?  Through the course of our conversation I realized how often my mom was encouraging me to stop and pray.  Struggling?  PRAY!  Become aware of your failures and/or blatant sin?  PRAY.  Confess immediately.  Repent.  Pray.  There He was again.  God showing me, answering me - right there.  In a somewhat ordinary moment with a somewhat ordinary conversation.

Right after I got off of the phone, I had to go pick my husband from work for lunch, and I relayed my frustration and sadness to him.  As I was finishing up and he was getting ready to leave for work, I opened my email to find a blog post from Kari Denker (she is the author of the workbook for Sermon on the Mount - as well as other AWESOME Bible study material) and she posted something that went hand in hand with what I was struggling through in 1st John, so I reached out by email to ask if I could ask her a question about it.  

One thing that I REALLY appreciate about Kari (and I do not know her personally, just through her blog and her published material) is that she is always, ALWAYS, willing to answer questions.  This time though, she went a step further and sent me an exercise to work through - another kindness of God - right there on display.  

As a result of I have spent the last week realizing three things about God.

1) I MISS His presence and His answers.  I don't pay careful attention to His work in my life and as a result I often times lose hope and face discouragement.

2) I fail to pray.  Regularly.  And because of that - I fail to lay ahold of all that God promises us in Christ.  And as a result of this, again, I lose hope, face discouragement, and trip over habitual sins.

3) This last one is a bit of an irony.  This is what I realized : I am either abiding in faith or I am abiding in fear.  But never not one or the other (does that make sense?)  

And here is how I realized this :

OK, so I never noticed how often we are encouraged to remain (aka abide) in Christ in 1st John.  Whenever I think of the word abide I think of John 15.  But here John is again, right here in his letters tucked at the very end of the New Testament, encouraging us to abide in Christ and abide in the love of God.  

I began to ask myself - well what exactly does that look like walked out?  And I could not, for some reason, think of a single, concrete, practical answer to that question.  And from that question I began to ask myself, how do I apply the cross of Christ to my life? Literally what does that look like, ESPECIALLY when I become aware of  something that I am supposed to do (and are not doing that) , after I confess that (come into agreement with God's Word), how do I not get stuck in that sticky, icky, yucky spot of "I did (or did not) do __________ (fill in the blank with the sin - intentional or not)" and all of the guilt and shame that comes along with that?

Well, after completing Kari's worksheet, I was very, VERY aware of what abiding is and what it isn't.  I realized that I was literally abiding in worry.  I thought about it, talked about it, worried about worrying about it.  I meditated on it - it literally was my constant companion through the day.  Immediately upon realizing this, I realized something else.  This is a direct result of not praying.  I am talking to myself instead of talking to God.  And as this realization began to unfold, Kari talked me through where to go from here, and as I thought about what she shared, two things happened.  

Literally the very next week in Bible study our teacher shared a quote from Martyn Lloyd Jones at the beginning of class.  And as I thought through that, God showed me what Hebrews 4:16 means.

But to get the full impact of this, I have to tell you the whole story.  Because this was DEFINITELY God answering me and thankfully I was paying attention and didn't miss it.

The first thing that happened was our class began (the week after I was really discouraged) and the teacher went back (she did not teach the week before, she was there, and wrote the study, but she wasn't the leader of the discussion the previous week).   And as she went back to she addressed this specific verse : 1 John 3 vs 20.  "whenever our hearts condemn us; for God is greater than our hearts, and He knows all things."

And as she dove into what this verse meant for those of us who feel discouraged - she shared this quote from Martyn Lloyd-Jones :

“The main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself. You have to take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, question yourself. You must say to your soul: ‘Why art thou cast down’—what business have you to be disquieted? You must turn on yourself, upbraid yourself, condemn yourself, exhort yourself, and say to yourself: ‘Hope thou in God’—instead of muttering in this depressed, unhappy way. And then you must go on to remind yourself of God, Who God is, and what God is and what God has done, and what God has pledged Himself to do. Then having done that, end on this great note: defy yourself, and defy other people, and defy the devil and the whole world, and say with this man: ‘I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance, who is also the health of my countenance and my God’.”

― D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cures

She went on to say that we spend far too much time listening to ourselves instead of preaching to ourselves!  And as I thought about what she shared, over the next week I began to understand the verse Hebrews 4:16 in a whole new way.  God was showing me that when I become aware of falling short that I am not to feel discouraged - NO - I am to come boldly before His throne BECAUSE that is what the cross accomplished for me.  That is how I apply the cross to my life.  That is how I cling to Him and let everything else go.  And how do I do that?  PRAY PRAY PRAY.  Commune with God all day long.  When things are going ok and when things are not.  When I am doing well in my walk and when I am not.  And you know what that is?  That is abiding in Him!  

God is SO so SO awesome!  He hears us when we ask.  He answers us when He has our hearts prepared.  And I am SO SO SO thankful He is so patient.  

Reading vs. Studying

All of us have preferred ways of engaging in the Word of God.  

Some prefer to read straight through the Bible (with or without a plan) while some prefer a more in depth/studious approach.

 

When reading, some like to read it straight through without writing or marking or highlighting.

While others like to jot down notes: in the Bible's margins, in journals, onto blogs and other social platforms.

I have seen some who color code their Bibles, so that at first glance they can see exactly what the passage is about, while others look like a rainbow of colors and they just rotate what color pen or pencil or highlighter they grab.

However, when studying: questions printed off, downloaded, or purchased workbooks act as their guide through a particular chapter, book, or canvasing the Old and/or New Testament to build upon a topic or theme to study.  For example - Advent.  (All you have to do is look around for an example of this, Advent studies are almost everywhere right now.)

I have come to the point in my walk that I realize we need both approaches. 

One approach to the Word of God may come more naturally to the ways our brains operate, but, we truly need both the breadth that reading brings and the depth of studying.  That slowing down and deep diving into a verse, chapter, or book - that anchors us and gives us a chance to grow into the knowledge the Holy Spirit uncovers for us while reading.

I have never been so aware of this than I have been this fall.  You see, I prefer to read straight through.  

Right now my preferred reading is chronological.  I love to write down notes - all over the place 😊, and I just rotate my pens.  I know myself well enough to know that if I color code my Bible I will become lazy and just glance at what the colors mean, instead of actually reading what the text says.  

BUT - as I have studied the book of 1st John and Revelation this fall - I realize the importance of slowing down, digging in, and struggling through the Word.  1st John has been the PERFECT example of that.

I know I have said this before, but for years and years I have heard preachers, teachers, bloggers etc; say : 'if you question your salvation - even a tiny bit - read through 1st John, it will reassure you or convict you.'  Well, when I read through 1st John I did not feel encouraged (except by verse 1 John 1:9), and yet I didn't necessarily feel convicted, I simply felt confused.  I would read it.  And then read it again.  And have NO idea what John said.  And then I would feel discouraged and wonder "what is wrong with me, that I can read this, and not know what it says?"  

But this fall, I have been forced to slow down.  The class chunked the first book of John into a ten week session, and it has been the perfect way to examine it and ask 'what does this really say' - what is John repeating and why?  What does it mean when he says 'by this you will know' or 'what does he mean by the word choices of fellowship, light, dark, hate, and love'?  How do I know when I am 'in Christ'?  What does it mean to 'remain in Him'?  

My teacher is amazing for this class.  She wrote this study and has spent lots of time answering my questions and helping me to find practical ways to walk out what the Word of God says.  I am SO thankful for her.  But even more, I am thankful for her example.  Each study she begins reminding us to read the Word.  And then to look deeper.  What are the repeated phrases, who is the passage about, whom is it written to...etc; I cannot believe how much I have learned about this tiny book of the Bible.  She also gives ample examples of what this approach to the Word looks like and how to do it, and that has been such a gift!  

So, as you round out your year and maybe begin to shape your list of goals, dreams, and habits you want to pursue in the new year, I encourage you to find a way to read the Word of God and to dive deep and study it.  And then find someone(s) with whom to discuss what you are learning.  It is such a rich gift to be able to talk about the Bible with a fellow believer. 💖

Home Learning Year by Year

by Rebecca Rupp

I LOVE this book.  It has been one of the most important resources I owned while homeschooling.  

I went back and re-read it, even though it is not a book you typically sit down and read - it is a reference type of book - BUT as we draw to a close (and transition) I wanted to remind myself of what we have done and what still needs some attention.  

I cannot say enough good things about this book (even if you don't homeschool, it is still a wonderful resource to have while raising kids).  I HIGHLY recommend it - it is so, so good.

The Gate of Myth and Power (trilogy)

by K.M. Shea

This trilogy started off strong, lost the momentum in book two, and feels thrown together in book three.  I didn't really like it overall.  K.M. Shea really shines in her Timeless Fairytale Series, her Enchantress series (which is unfinished) and it is hit and miss with her others.  I really like some - she seemed to get her groove back and then others - I would pass on.  I say this with caution because I know when I went to look up if she was planning on finishing the Enchantress series - her website says she is battling an illness of some kind and has taken two years off (at least) from writing.  So maybe the later books I have read are simply not as good because she wasn't feeling good?  

I woke up this morning to read of the attack on the Jews in Amsterdam.  I literally could not believe it.  I also was shocked that that is where Anne Frank lived - HOW is history repeating itself?  

I am praying for the Israeli's and the Jewish people.  I love the nation of Israel.  I love the Jewish people.  

Odds and Ends

First of all I am SO incredibly thankful it is finally November.  And it finally feels like it today!  My girls and I went on a long walk this morning and it was SO beautiful.  Leaves are not only gorgeous colors but they are falling like snow as the wind tugs them loose from the branches they stubbornly cling to.  

That crunch of walking through leaf piles is one of my favorite, favorite things about fall.  That and hot chocolates, cinnamon or pumpkin spice candles, hot creamy coffee, birthday chili (I had a birthday last month and my husband makes enough that I can freeze it and enjoy a mug of it every so often - BEST chili in the world!!), sweaters and comfy slippers - although this year has been so hot, it is still tank tops, shorts, and flip flops more days than not. 😟

I did read this week - The King's Captive (book one of another trilogy by K.M, Shea)  This trilogy is supposed to explain what was happening in the background during Hazel and Leila's stories.  I njoyed book one and look forward to tying off that series.

This next year I am going to change things up a bit.  I am going to track my reading on Goodreads.  I might mention a book from time to time on here, but my main focus is going to switch back to my walk with God.  I miss writing about that.  Last year I wanted a change and I tried to have a second blog for book reviews, but it was just too redundant to keep up with, and since I already post on Goodreads, I think it will be just easier to figure out how to post my book reviews from Goodreads onto my reading challenge sites.

This fall the book of the Bible that we are studying is 1 John and I have struggled my way through this book.  I am SO thankful this class chose this book - I have always heard if you ever need reassurance of your salvation - READ this book.  Well, when I have read this book I have struggled to understand - TRULY grasp what John is saying.  Thanks to this study and to several conversations with my teacher, I feel like I am beginning to see the reassurance so many have spoken of.  I just want to encourage anyone who is in a teaching or leadership position of any kind, try your very best to make time for the questions.  The seekers who are genuinely trying to understand - you have NO idea what a gift your time is!!!

Have a beautiful fall week.  🍁🍂🦃