National Hobbit Day, First Day of Fall, and the loss of Buddy

This month has been hard.

I turned fifty this month, just a little over a week after we lost Buddy.

Ironically, I had just said, days before Buddy got sick, that for the first time in about six years, I was excited to celebrate my birthday.  I was finally able to look back at the past six years, all that we have walked through, all that we have faced, which also included the loss of two of our other dogs (both traumatic) with more joy than sadness.

Then abruptly, Buddy got sick and we lost him.

Before you roll your eyes and say "that's ridiculous", I would like to point out that furries can (and do) fill the gaps in ways you don't realize until you are either homebound and/or struggle with a chronic illness.  From the time that my kiddos were very young, and as I began to fully realize the extent that "normal" life would be challenging for them, our furries stepped into the gap, filling up holes for friendship, emotional regulation and support, and comfort that are hard to give voice to.  

These guys became our literal best friends and we were their whole world.  Whether in Arendale's case where he became totally dependent upon us to keep him alive, or Tanner, who in the last portion of his life, was paralyzed and dependent on us to get from one point to another, we were likewise leaning into them.  Their presence, comfort, and ability to listen without judging (one of a dog's best traits).  So when they were gone - it - well I don't actually have the words to describe the sense of loss that occurred.  

But with Buddy, the grief has been even deeper, the loss has touched every single area.  He was our everything (because unlike with Tanner and Arendale, Buddy was our only dog for a long stretch of time and went (almost) everywhere with us).  I called him my furry son, and my girls' furry brother - he was involved in every single area of our lives.  Bad day - Buddy often knew before I did if a seizure or meltdown was coming.  Getting sick?  Buddy would often times sense it and velcro to the person who wasn't feeling well.  Sad?  Buddy was always on hand to crawl into your lap and get as close as be could, almost as if he was trying to take the sadness from you.  Stressful outing or hard appointment?  Buddy was waiting for us when we got home.  We would scoop him up and kiss him and love him and just absorb his furry preciousness.  

I miss him so, so, so very much.  

In the past year he experienced some serious stomach issues, so his care became a bit more detailed and now - the medicine in the morning, the morning walk, the making sure he was eating (he was handfed - three times a day to alleviate the strain on his tummy/digestive system) - all of this is suddenly gone.  

And I am so very sad.  

I found myself not wanting to celebrate my birthday.  To delay the dinner and the movies (we always let the birthday person spend the month of their birthday picking and watching all of their favorite movies), presents...all of it.  

I asked to just wait.  

Because I was turning fifty and had planned several things with Buddy in mind and he all of a sudden wasn't here.  And silly things - like a new coffee shop is opening and every time we drive by it I would say - I can't wait until ________ opens.  And now Buddy (who, of course, NEVER drinks coffee, but sometimes would accompany me on my coffee run) isn't here and it will open without him.  And I cry every time I drive by - silly I know.  But it's just a reminder that life is moving on and he's gone.

We were in the middle of reading The Hobbit aloud and that book has been the perfect thing to carry us through.  I don't know what it is about that story, but it has been such a good anchor these past few weeks.  Even when we could just read a page or two.

So - yesterday was National Hobbit Day and the first day of Fall.  And to celebrate, since it was finally cooler than 3, 657 degrees it has been almost every day this summer, we made cinnamon applesauce bread.  First time I have turned on the oven in months.  And this morning we toasted the leftover bread for breakfast and turned the last pages of the book, my heart is sad, realizing that life is just a series of goodbyes and letting go.  

And I do not like goodbyes.

 

Buddy 

May 29, 2012 - September 5, 2026

Thank you so much little guy for loving us so well.  You were our everything and our hearts are broken.  

P.S. Babycakes, mumzy loves you.

What I read as my Kindle Unlimited membership wraps up for the summer...

I forgot to note that I pre-read a book for one of my girls - Crowns of Croswald by D.E. Night and it was a really cute read.

I also read:

Plotting Summer by Jess Heileman

Beachy Keen by Kasey Stockton

Summer Ever After by Kortney Kiesel

Beauty and the Beach by Gracie Ruth Mitchell

and 

Summer Tease by Martha Keyes.

I did not (and probably will not) get to the last one in the series, but that's ok.  I read them out of order and I think that was probably not the best way to read the series, oopsy 😑 

The past few weeks have been full of appointments, unbearable heat, and hard moments - so these books have definitely been such a treat.  

PS Robin, I tried twice to leave a comment on my last post but it kept disappearing,  Even though it would say 'publishing' - it never published and when I refreshed the screen, it was gone.  BUT I wanted to say thank you for such a sweet comment and I absolutely LOVE the word Flufferton.  It is the BEST word to describe these cozy books. (I had forgotten you used that word in a post a while ago on your site - it is such a great word).

Rebel Summer +

(I posted this same review on goodreads, but am adding to it on here 😊)

OK - so this book (Rebel Summer by Cindy Steel) is the ultimate hallmark cozy romance in story form.  

I have struggled with reading this summer, berating myself for reading mainly comfort and fluffy pieces, but that is all my brain can handle right now.  I am not in a season where deep reading, deep thought, or deep study is possible (beyond my morning Bible study/reading).  

Reading seems to fulfill different purposes for different seasons and I find that summer (I signed up for Kindle Unlimited this summer) tends to be escape reading for me - especially as a special needs mom - I find myself craving the distraction and escape that fluffy, clean, cozy romance and/or mysteries provide.  All that to say that this book is now my favorite cozy read.  In fact, I read it again as soon as I finished the first read through (twice in one week!)

I also wanted to include all the titles I have read since I last posted - I am not kidding when I say I basically have spent the summer using any free moments I have soaking up and reveling in Hallmark Christmas, romance, and/or mysteries that I could find.  And in that I discovered a new favorite author - Cindy Steel.

Cotswold Holiday by Kasey Stockton

An Unexpected Boyfriend for Christmas by Janette Rallison

A Cross Country Christmas by Courtney Walsh

Red Rope of Fate by K.M. Shea

and then of course Rebel Summer x2 😅

I am curious - does anyone else struggle with guilt when they read fluffy books instead of deeper, more meaningful classic type of literature, or is that just a 'me' thing?  Does anyone else also find they do not have the bandwidth to handle deep thinking when days are long and hard?  I prefer reading to watching and I like books that I don't have to worry that something spicy or smutty will spill into a scene.  

Also I really appreciate the lack of language (I actually find curse words and foul language so distracting in a story).  In fact, earlier this year I started reading Remarkably Bright Creatures after hearing over and over and over again what a great story it was.  I finally put it down because the cussing became so distracting to me that I couldn't get in to the story.  Maybe someday I will be able to finish it because I am really intrigued by the Octopus p.o.v.

Romans 1

A Man Called Paul - Dr. Martyn-Lloyd Jones 

(you can access these videos from Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones free - simply type in Dr. Martyn-Lloyd Jones full series on the book of Romans)

These are my observations and notes from the first video - it took me a lot longer than I expected to carve out the time to a) listen and take notes and then b) write this blog post. But, no matter how long it takes, I am praying I can work my way through the entire book of Romans.

As I listened to this sermon - this verse in Acts popped into my mind:

From one man He made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands.  God did this so that they would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from any one of us.  For in Him we live and move and have our being.  (Acts 17:26-28a)

I never considered Paul's background before.  But in the first video Dr. Lloyd-Jones spends almost the entire first sermon examining who Paul was as a person...it is absolutely mind blowing.  Think about this - who was Paul?  He was a Jew who sat at the foot of one of the greatest Pharisees/expounders of the Law.  Where was he born?  In Tarsus, one of three leading Greek cultural hubs - (Athens and Alexandria being the other two).  What was his citizenship?  He held Roman citizenship.  These facts coupled with the incredible mind that God gave to him, when you peer through this lens and examine his life and ministry - it is absolutely God who ordained, carried Paul forward, and  prepared him for a ministry that he (Paul) had no inclination would unfold.

Through Paul's life alone we can trace the truth of those two and a half verses in Acts.  God determined where and when Paul would live.  He endowed Paul with a great mind, knowledge inside and out of the Law - so that he would be able to show Jesus to the Jews in and through their Law.  The Law that God gave them thousands of years before Jesus was born.  He provided that Paul would be educated in Greek literature and that he would be a citizen of Rome - all so that - he (Paul) would become an apostle to the Gentiles.

Absolutely, breathtakingly, mind blowing.

What I have read...

So, I have Kindle Unlimited for the summer (through the end of August) and I think (since this is the second summer I have done this) I am going to do this as a summer "treat" each year.  Because I have Kindle Unlimited, I have been able to read books that (a) my library doesn't own a copy of, (b) I don't necessarily want to buy, and (c) I can try them and not waste money because sometimes, despite all the great reviews...quite honestly they are a total flop.

SO - with that said - I kind of went on a sort of "Hallmark/Great American Family Cozy Christmas-style Book Bonanza" with my reading.

The Holiday Stand-In by Kortney Keisel - SUPER cute Christmasy book.  You know how its going to end, what is going to unfold, but you love each cozy moment anyways.

The Bodyguard's Fall by Cindy Steel - OK, so Cindy Steel has quickly become a new favorite author of mine.  I LOVED this - HIGHLY recommend it!

Cotswold Holiday by Kasey Stockton - this was a meh...ok-ish, would not read again type of book.

Later on We'll Conspire by Kortney Keisel - this one was a total flop for me.  I did NOT like it, even in suspending belief for a moment...it was a total flop.

Christmas Baggage by Deborah Hathaway - I thought this one was SUPER cute - LOVED it!

I also re-listened to Magic Forged by K.M. Shea as we drove to and from multiple appointments.

Host for the Holidays

by Martha Keyes 

I think this is a SUPER cute Christmas read.  I heard about this book on Jansen Bradshaw's website (it is full of booklists and reviews).  I LOVED it.  It is clean and sweet and I loved the main character Madi!!!

I also re-listened to K.M. Shea's Hall of Blood and Mercy (book two).  

I also just finished the book of Isaiah in my reading plan and guess what I discovered?  The book of Romans quotes Isaiah quite a bit - more than I ever realized.  It is SO cool.  Did you also know that the book of Isaiah ends with chapter 66 and in verse 8, it says this :

"Can a country be born in a day or a nation be brought forth in a moment?  Yet no sooner is Zion in labor than she gives birth to her children."

Israel became a nation again on November 29, 1947.  The Dead Sea scrolls were discovered beginning in 1947.  The entire book of Isaiah was (eventually) found in the dead sea scrolls dates back to circa 100-125 B.C.  God is faithful.