deep breath

Stepping outside with Tanner at the end of a long day, I sink to the grass, breathe deep of the spring air and listen closely to the beauty exploding from every tree top surrounding us. I messed up the medicine schedule which means rough days are coming, why can I not seem to effortlessly balance all that I have to do? Why am I always the one running behind, a complete mess everywhere I have been, boxes still to be sorted and unpacked and so much to do that I could really just sit and cry over it all. But as I look around me and feel that fuzzy, cool, wet nose press against my arm I realize it will be ok. That I need to slow down and remember to take my time, that each day is not a race to the end, because some day, these days that I am racing around trying to get everything done in, someday all I will have left are the memories. Our children will be grown with families of their own and these will have been one of the greatest earthly treasures that I have held with my own hands. I do not want to rush through it all or waste a moment. Tanner, now having climbed almost completely in my lap, sits in total blissful surrender as I hold him close and stroke his soft fur. I sit for a few more minutes, completely trying to soak in all that I am hearing and seeing and then rise to enter the house again. As I wash my hands and head towards the kitchen I stop and draw in a deep breath. There is so much love and happiness pouring out of my children at that exact moment, dressing up in my old dance costumes and having a tea party with trucks and dinosaurs mixed in, this is life and it is messy beautiful.