Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Hello Mornings

Jonah is the book that's been selected for this six weeks of Hello Mornings.  I never realized before how deep Jonah's faith in God was.  He made a big mistake running from God, but when faced with it he didn't deny his wrong and didn't offer excuses.  He simply stated who he was, who God was, and then told them to throw him into the middle of a storm tossed raging sea.

I have been Jonah.  Well sort of.  I have run from God, found myself in a mess, but I am not sure I have rested in who God is enough to let others toss me right into the storm that came as a result of my disobedience.  I like what one person wrote on twitter this week about it, she said something to the effect of 'my sin never changes the character of God'.  I never really thought too hard about that, but obviously I picked up the lie somewhere that my sin changes who God is.  I want what Jonah had in chapter one.  Complete surrender, trusting God to handle my mess.

Saturday, August 16, 2014


I love Saturdays at my house.  I love cinnamon rolls in the mornings, Torah study in the afternoon, nap time with my husband while our kiddos snuggle in and watch a movie.  Games of clue, sorry, uno, old maid, and go fish.  Stratego, life, and monopoly too.  Saturdays make me smile and realize how much I love these people who live under my roof.

Not every Saturday is awesome, but when I pause and think where we were just a year ago today...this Saturday is pretty amazingly awesome.

On a more somber, serious note, we are praying for those in Ferguson, MO, Iraq, and Israel.  I know there are many parents waking up with a broken heart this morning, many who fear what the dawn of a new day shall bring, and many more who are hurting, angry, and just want justice to reign and peace to come.  May the God of all comfort swoop down, gather you close, and hold you tight.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Saying Goodbye

Dear Granny,
I wanted to get the chance to tell you goodbye.  I wanted to tell you one more time that I love you.  I wanted to ask you to tell Grandpa hello for me.  I wanted to tell you I am sorry for anything I did that hurt your feelings growing up.  I wanted to tell you that I forgive you for the times that you hurt me.

But goodbye came too soon.

I am so thankful you aren't suffering, that you no longer have to struggle and fight against a body riddled with disease.  I am so thankful for the dinner plates you shared every year during Thanksgiving and Christmas,  that taught me never to forget the hungry, the lonely, the elderly.   I am thankful for the beauty shop trips, the happy meal on the last day of VBS, and I am thankful for the harder memories. The ones that aren't so fun to remember.  

Some day I believe I will see you again, until then I cannot even imagine the amazingly awesome things you are getting to see right now.  I cannot imagine what it was like, that moment where you took your last breath here, your first breath there.  To close your eyes lying in a hospital bed and to open them up for eternity...what was that like?  

But even when I think about those things I still struggle to tell you goodbye.

Today driving home from a fun outing with my family I was sad, the reality that you are gone hit me...again.  But then we passed another driver who wasn't paying any attention at all to where they were going and as the  laughter bubbled up, I found myself crying for a completely different reason.  Seeing that distracted driver took me back thirty plus years, I was sitting in the front passenger seat and you were behind the wheel of old blue.  Your car.  You were by chance one of the worst drivers ever.  You would be driving down the road in that thing, remember something in your pocketbook and just lean over to the passenger floorboard to dig through it :).  Completely forgetting that you were driving, therefor that you needed to watch where you were going.  More than once I was convinced the trip to the drug store would be the last thing my five year old self would make.  This was long before cellphones, texting, and even a CD player.  Heaven help us if you'd had those to distract you.

So, anyway, I just wanted to say I love you, one more time.  And that goodbyes suck.  They always come too soon.