Merry Christmas and Happiest of New Years. Happy Hannukah. I hope this holiday season is amazing and beautiful and that as the days draw to a close, your mind and your heart are captivated anew with the birth of a tiny baby boy over 2000 years ago that came for you and for me.
He came, He lived, He died. And Praise God He rose again.
Jesus bore our sins and infirmities so that in the midst of great darkness we bear a bright light. So that when you draw your last breath here, you will stand face to face before Him and have hope. His righteousness for your failures. When the darkness of this world pushes in from every side, cling to His presence, He is like a candle that cannot be extinguished. He is the light of the world.
Because of this, I don't have to end this year in discouragement. And believe me, I am so tempted to despair and draw discouragement around my shoulders like a thick fleece blanket.
Our 2019 has been a less than stellar year.
I was asked recently to come up with one word or phrase to describe this year, this is what immediately popped into my mind.
Chaotic.
A flop.
Messy.
Useless.
Ugh. Not the kind of words you want, right?
I have just spent several days examining 2019 - what worked, what didn't - what do we need to do differently etc; As I spent time going through the exercises (Grace Goals by Arabah Joy) I found myself becoming more and more and more discouraged because I couldn't point to one single solitary thing that was completed well, one single attribute or characteristic of mine that I made forward progress in, one single goal I set out to accomplish as 2019 dawned fresh and new - that I actually accomplished, or one single besetting sin that I was finally able to find freedom from.
Not a single thing.
Instead, it feels like there was always something going wrong: a broken toe, a broken washing machine, plumbing disasters (yes plural), long, hard days with meltdowns, chronic medical conditions - both of which I realize in greater depths every single day how helpless I truly am to "fix" either of these for my kids, doctor appointments, unexpected bills, pet medical drama...on and on and on it goes. And those are things that were beyond my control. I didn't even mention the times I slept in, instead of exercising, the buckets of chocolate I consumed versus the very small amounts of living food I consumed, the times I chose to eat out instead of actually making something at home, even if it inconvenienced me or wasn't my first choice (chicken...again!) the times I reached for the remote instead of my Bible...on and on it goes.
When my husband came home the other night, I was in tears. I told him if I had one thing, one single solitary thing that I could point to as forward progress (beyond a (very small) stack of completed read alouds), then I would feel better. I would feel like I am not just treading water, or sliding backward down a hill I just worked hard to climb. I would feel like I didn't just waste the past year. I mean I was given 365 days, 52 weeks, 8,760 hours, and 525,600 minutes. What do I have to show for it? How did I invest them, in light of the Word of God?
The reality is that this past year was a flop. I failed. At every.single.goal. I set. Not a single one was accomplished nor did I make significant forward progress on anything. Nada. We simply survived. That's it.
If Jesus called me home tonight and looked at just this past year, I would be ashamed beyond anything words can describe. But instead of despairing, you know what? The reality of my failures and shortcomings really, really, really drive home the grace of the Gospel. They really make what Jesus did and continues to do my anchor, my saving hope, my rock that I can cling to. Praise God it isn't dependent on me. Praise God I don't have to save myself. I can't even manage a year, let alone save my life. Thank You Jesus. Thank You that You gave Your life for mine. I am more in awe of that and more appreciative of that now than ever before.
Dear sister in Christ, there are actually many victories in this year for you. Through all your posts, you have pointed to the One who is faithful to continue the good work He began in us until the day of Christ Jesus. In what you say and how you say it, you make clear your heart is to humbly honor Him. Every time you have done that, you have glorified Him. And that, after all, is what He made us to do (Isaiah 43:7, Revelation 4:11). Your blog is inspiring, so thank you for being real, and showing Who you belong to. Grace and peace to you this Christmas, and every day!
ReplyDeleteThank you SO much for this beautiful comment. So much!
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