Reading Challenge Update

Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up - OK this was a re-read for me.  I don't agree with all that she says in this book (the value/importance - almost human quality she gives to things for one), but it is an engaging read about a topic I REALLY struggle with:

Organization and decluttering!!!!

I feel like I am always having to schedule a day to get organized or decluttered every few weeks.  I am not sure why, but even as a kid I struggled with these two concepts - I drove my mom bonkers!!  I am like that character from Charlie Brown with the dust cloud that surrounds him.  It's not for lack of effort or lack of caring, it just seems to be one of the lifelong weaknesses that I am constantly battling.  This reread was a good reminder of exactly what I need to do when I schedule our next project week.  Tackle the clutter!!

Sweep - this is the only book during the reading challenge that I have hated enough to stop halfway through.  I really, REALLY did NOT like this book.  I wanted to, as it came so highly recommended, but I just could.not. finish it.  Bleh!!

Dot Journaling  A Practical Guide - this was a library book I checked out and it is by Rachel Wilkerson Miller.  I enjoyed this book and the ideas that she tucked inside each chapter.  Right after I finished reading it, I ran to Wal-Mart, snagged a dot journal, and started bullet journaling again.

Waiting on God by Andrew Murray.  This book was amazing.  Seriously.  The timing of reading this was definitely a hard blessing.  It spoke truth to my heart during the hard reality of being in a position where the only option available was/is to wait on God.

pg. 115 discussing Luke 2:25,36,38 Andrew Murray says this about Simeon and Anna's characters -

devout - devoted to God, ever walking as in His presence
waiting for the consolation of Israel - looking for the fulfillment of God's promises
The Holy Ghost was on him - in devout waiting, he had prepared for the blessing

I want these characteristics!!!!  

(he goes on to say) : 'Simeon and Anna could do nothing toward the birth of Christ or His death, it was God's work, they could do nothing but wait.'  I never thought about that truth before.  All Simeon and Anna could do were to walk faithfully before God and wait for Him to reveal His Son in His time.

I also picked up the book Andrew Murray recommends called Expectation Corner by Emily Steele Elliott and I am currently making my way through this one.

                                                             
Alice in Wonderland - So, this is my youngest daughter's absolute favorite book and I am JUST now reading it, She, on the other hand, has heard it at least a thousand times and has memorized large sections of it :).  Much to my delight, I discovered one of my absolute FAVORITE passages in a classic book, and do you know what she did?  She gave me her original copy of it 💖.

pg. 44
    "She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and waited till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what sort it was) scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close above her; then, saying to herself 'This is Bill,' she gave one sharp kick, and waited to see what would happen next.
     The first thing she heard was a general chorus of 'There goes Bill!' then the Rabbit's voice alone - 'Catch him, you by the hedge!' then silence..."
LOVE LOVE LOVE this passage 😄

Brady by Jean Fritz (I LOVE Jean Fritz books).  We are reading this one, I thought we'd be done by now, but July was a bit of a 'knock the stuffing right out of you' month, so we will (hopefully) pick right back up where we were and finish it this week?!

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins.  OK, so I was prepared NOT to like this book because it tells the story of Coriolanus Snow as a teenager and I did not want to feel any empathy at all for Snow.  I am currently at the end of part two, getting ready to embark on part three and am excited to finish the book. 

The way I process

life is through words.  Whether I talk to my husband, myself, God, my girls...talking through things is how I process them, deal with them, am able to let situations and things go and move past them or figure out how to incorporate whatever has happened into the "new" normal. 

But if I can't talk, then I write. 

Have you ever had something so awful, so devastating you aren't sure how to process it?  It is something that will become one of those life-defining markers, you won't just accept it and just move forward, you won't move past it and forget it, instead, it will forever change who you are.  This year has become a year of the slide.  We are on a slippery slope, sliding down a steep embankment and my biggest fear is that we will shatter upon impact. 

This past week held the hardest, most awful moment of my life thus far.  I cannot talk about it in detail, first of all, it encompasses more than just me and my story, but also it is too raw, too hard to talk about.  But still, I find myself needing to process, or at least begin to process everything.  And how I do that is through words, so I find myself tucked into our hallway, early this morning, pecking out words on a keyboard.

I am confused, second-guessing everything I thought I knew as a parent, as an adult, as a follower of Christ.  What do you do when you aren't sure what the right path is?  What do you do when you cry out to God and He won't quiet the storm, remove or take away the awful things you are walking through?  How do you reconcile all the words you have heard preached at you from everyone you have ever trusted and then feel like they are true for everyone but you?  What do you do when God doesn't fix it?  Who else is there to turn to but God?

Well, even in the midst of everything, this week I am sure of one thing.  Actually, I could honestly say this is the only thing I am sure of this week.  There is no one else. 

There.is.no.one.else. 

There is no one outside of God.  But also in this surety, I am face to face with my deepest struggle.  Reconciling the fact that God is God.  He is able.  He is MORE than able, BUT He still may not give you what you ask for.  Even in those sobbing, messy, begging, pleading prayers where you offer up everything you can think of to bargain with Him, He still chooses not to change or remove or fix it. At that moment, when He does not give you what you desperately plead for,  you truly find out what you think of, believe about, and trust in regarding God.  He is capable of speaking - 'peace be still' - to the storms in your life, but sometimes He doesn't.  I don't understand why, I am so angry, so hurt, and so confused because I want Him to fix this.  I want Him to speak to this tsunami in our life and thunder 'quiet you beast', but instead I think He is whispering 'quiet little one' to my heart.  I think He is weaving a faith and trust deep inside of me, and it hurts.  It hurts more than I can express in words.  Why does this have to encompass what I hold most precious in this life? 

Letting go is hard.  Letting go is excruciating.  Especially when every single fiber of your being desires nothing more than to wrap yourself around someone else and shield them, protect them, hold them and you cannot.  You have to lay that person in His hand, step back, and say here You go, I trust You enough to say Thy will be done.  I trust You with what I love more than my own life.  I trust You to be where I cannot, to hold us through the storm.  I trust that Your way is better than mine, even when it hurts more than I thought anything could hurt. 

This is a continual process. I find myself having to say this over and over and over and over again.  Thy will be done.  I let go and I am falling, I trust You are at the end to catch us. 

Half of 2020 is over...

Can I just breathe a collective sigh of relief?  This year has been brutal.  I feel like I say that a lot, but life is hard.  Like really hard.



Caring for someone(s) with special needs and chronic mental health struggles and chronic unexplainable physical health symptoms can be brutal.  It.is.SO.hard.  There is no way anyone can understand it unless they walk it or live with it.  I can't really speak to the depth of difficulty for the person who has it, because I have minor, run of the mill life struggles, like a gentle rain shower.  I care for those that have a tsunami of struggles.  Like so overwhelming you cannot catch your breath, it knocks you to your knees, you are not sure you are going to make it to the other side struggles. I cannot speak to what that feels like.  To have to bear that weight each day.  But, I can speak to the loneliness, the exhaustion, the desperation as a mom trying to get the right help, the right medications, the right people to listen.

The frustration of waiting, waiting, waiting.

For this test result, this medication to kick in to see if it is going to have crippling side effects, this day to be over, tomorrow to dawn...  I wish I could carry this for them.  But all I can do is go through it with them.

This week there was a moment where one of my children was in a machine, and although they let me go back in the room with this child, I was on the outside of the machine.  Earplugs in, sitting quietly in a chair, watching,once again waiting.  I prayed - Jesus I can't get in there and comfort her.  She is scared.   She does not do well with these things, please crawl in there and hold her - be so close to her that she can relax and get through this.  She did and we are still waiting to hear the results.

Which brings me to this, I wanted to share what my current coping mechanisms are for two reasons.  One, in case the idea sparks something for someone else and helps them and two because I tend to have the attention span of a fruit fly.  Writing these down, helps me stay anchored and realize that although life is hard, God has given me some amazing ways to cope with it, blessings that I so often take for granted.  So here is a list of coping mechanisms that I am SO SO SO grateful for:

1) Sitting outside early in the morning.  I grab my phone, Bible, journal, the latest book I am reading, my coffee, my snack, and now my citronella candle and park myself outside.  I read, think, journal, and just soak in the peace and quiet of the early morning birdsong, the scritch and scrabble of a squirrel, and often times chuckle at the bunny as he unknowingly hops quietly by.  Such a gift.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE my mornings right now.





2) Hot Chocolates.  Ok these have made me gain weight and cost money, so I am trying to cut back, but getting a Hot Chocolate is like getting a hug from the inside.  There is such comfort, even in the heat of the summer.  I absolutely love Starbucks Hot Chocolates.

3) Driving Around.  During the lockdown and now even beyond when I would not let the girls go in anywhere for fear of them contracting the virus, we would load up the car and drive around.  Normally this does not help, normally this makes things worse, but this spring and now into the summer, driving around has literally saved our sanity most days.

4) I have so much medication to manage for so many different people (and animals!), these medication dividers are AWESOME.  I love these things.  I set them up on Sundays and these save so much effort and worrying whether so and so took the morning meds or not.  And in the same token - phone alarms!  These save us daily.  I have even learned to set a thirty minute reminder prior to a medication if it's one we consistently forget.  My people have to have their medications within ten or fifteen minutes of the same time, every single day, or bad things happen.  That takes weeks to recover from.  So phone alarms and medication organizers are such a life saver!!



5) Coffee!  I have, for some odd reason, been able to start having small amounts of caffeine again.  I found a k-cup machine this winter on sale (it was an after Christmas sale I think), anyway my husband let me order it and every single morning I can have a small cup of this:



In the afternoon, I use my mini-coffee pot and have a small decaf cup of this:



6) Words.  I usually choose a word to govern my year.  This year I did choose one, but I haven't been able to stick with just focusing on that one word (which ironically was the word 'one').  I have four areas of my life that I constantly feel a tug of war with - fitness, money, tidying my spaces, and reading.  SO - I got a coupon a few months ago for this ring place that engraves messages on jewelry.  I decided on my message and ordered the ring.  Each day, literally right on my hand is a reminder of what I need to work on.  This has been such a great idea!!



7) Bullet Journaling.  I have recently returned to bullet journaling and am SO  happy that I did.  It is a way to get my jumbled thoughts on paper, keep a running tally of what I need to do (i.e. what I am supposed to be doing, but forgot), and track tasks, events, and projects all in one space.

8) BSF summer Bible app.  My youngest absolutely LOVES the book of Ruth.  We read and reread that book of the Bible weekly.  My mom sent me some information about a summer Bible study app and I signed up.  Although it has looked differently that I thought it would, it is awesome.



9) David Suchet.  OK, so my girls and I set a 100 day summer school challenge at the beginning of June and one of the things on that list (there are only three total) was to get through the New Testament in 100 days.  I have an audible verson of David Suchet reading the gospels and it has been SUCH a blessing.

10) Reading.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE to read.  To myself, out loud, in the car, out back, in line at the grocery store, in waiting rooms at the doctor offices.  I will even read to our dogs.  I love to read.  So this year I chose to try Tim Challies reading challenge and thought it would be a fun way to end this reeeaaaaalllllly long post :)

So far in 2020 :
Box of Butterflies

Best Family Ever

A Chance to Die

Curate of Glaston

All the Light We Cannot See

Stella By Starlight

Harriet Tubman (Christian Heroes Now and Then)

Freedom Crossing

Lady's Confession

Letters to the Church

Katie Parker book 5

Night of the Full Moon (was read to me)

Isaiah 53 Explained

Secret Garden

Redemption, Remember, Return, Rejoice, Reunion 5 book series

Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Sweep - ok this is the only book I have hated enough to stop half way through.  I really, REALLY did NOT like this book.  I wanted to, it came so highly recommended, but I couldn't finish it.

Dot Journaling  A Practical Guide

Waiting on God

Alice in Wonderland

Brady

The last six books will have there own post ❤

I thought of one final coping mechanism, which if you get any texts at all from me, or if you follow me on Instagram you already know this:

11) I love to take random pictures (and lots of them!) of our dogs.  It just makes me happy.