Stealing Your Joy

I remember being a teenager and hearing ladies at church talk about not letting someone "steal their joy" and I would roll my eyes and cringe, thinking that was just about the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard.  

Yet, here I am, twenty-odd years later, writing a blog post about that very thing.  Funny how time brings perspective, understanding, and a good heaping (& very much needed) dose of humility.

Today is the first day of fall. I start looking forward to today on the second day of spring.  Truly fall and winter are my favorite, favorite, favorite seasons.  That first crisp cool day after the blistering heat of summer is pure bliss. 

Bliss, I tell you!

This morning I needed to run and get spiral bound graph paper notebooks.  It took some effort, but I redirected my focus from discouragement and angst to joy.  There is one doctor that I am REALLY struggling with right now.  This doctor is essential to the care and well being of my kids, and there has been quite a bit of miscommunication and it has created a firestorm in my heart of angst and frustration.  Anyway, today was the first day of fall, one of my favorite moments all year, so I was going to be happy and enjoy today - even if it killed me - ha!  So, I loaded up the car, backed out of my driveway, sipped my hot chocolate, and happily chattered away about today being the FIRST.DAY.OF.FALL.  SQUEE!!!!

I could feel it, a deep contented joy well up inside of me, my heart felt lighter, hope was bubbling over...UNTIL a college girl with a sorority sticker plastered on the back of her new black car cut in front of me with NO warning, almost causing me to rear-end her.  I honked at her, she sped up and then again cut over without any warning, I suspect hoping I would rear-end the car she narrowly avoided because he was at a dead stop in front of her.  I was SO mad at this point.  But the cherry on top?  She flipped me off.  SHE FLIPPED ME OFF.  She was in the wrong and she had the audacity to flip me off???  I wish I could say I prayed for her.  I wish I could say I just trusted God to handle it and let it go.  I wish I could say I blessed her and went on to enjoy the rest of my morning.  But NO I had to let my temper get the better of me and I returned her one-finger salute.  Why, oh why, did I stoop to her level?  Why did I let her steal my joy?  Why did I allow her to offend me?  As I made my way back home after my errand I pondered these questions.  Gone was the joy.  Gone was the contentment.  Gone was the lightness of heart.  In its place was the discouragement and angst from earlier, now coupled with anger.

Rosh Hashannah was this past weekend, Yom Kippur is coming.  In between are tucked ten days of reflection and repentance.  Jesus is my hope - He is the only hope I have for redemption.  Yet God still holds us responsible for our behaviors, He still calls us to repent - to return to Him.  I have no idea what was tucked in the heart of that sorority girl, I do however know what was tucked into mine.  And it wasn't joy, it wasn't patience, or kindness, or mercy, or anything remotely reflective of the heart of Christ.  It was selfishness.  Pure and simple.  And a root of bitterness I have allowed to spring up.  

So you know what I did?  

I came home and I started over.  God is faithful, His mercy is new each and every morning.  So I asked Him for it - buckets of it.  And He gave it.  I am sorry for all of the times that I fail, that I lose my temper, that I get offended, that I carry hurts too far.  May He take my heart, and give me His.  Every moment of every day until He carries me home.  And until that moment, when I get to behold His face before mine, may I strive to not let others steal my joy.