Sermon on the Mount

This book by Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones is turning my whole world upside down.  I am trying to work slowly through it, taking one week at a time for the study, but as soon as I finish one chapter, I am thinking I want more!  I want to know more about this Sermon that Jesus preached.  I want to know how to live this life, I am hungry for more insight into what each proclamation from Christ's mouth meant.  And with that hunger I find myself also convicted of how VERY far from each Beatitude I am walking.  

Do you ever wonder what the word 'Beatitude' means?  Well - I googled it - and these are the definitions: a state of utmost bliss and supreme blessedness.  I often throw the word 'bliss' around when talking about yummy things or beautiful seasons.  But I am not sure that I have ever referred to my walk with Christ - my Christian life as being a state of utmost bliss or of supreme blessedness.  What that reveals about my heart scares me.  I want a heart that is pure, not duplicitous.  

Here comes the struggle... 

The one goal, the only goal, I have been on target to meet this year is my reading goal.  And I have thoroughly enjoyed reading - I have discovered some amazing authors, learned some hard truths, had my eyes opened to the injustice running rampant - often in the most vulnerable communities, and giggled in enjoyment in the midst of some very, very hard days.  But at the same time, have these books ushered me closer to Christ?  Have they formed my heart in way that is pleasing to God?  If I am honest, over half of the books I have reveled in have not done that.  And I have read more that 32 books this year.  Some have been re-reads, some audio, some have been pre-reads for the girls...but with 32 + books under my belt, have I developed a closer walk with God?  

On the one hand, it is not sinful to read books.  I mean clearly there are books (just like anything else) that stir things up in my heart or imagination that are sinful, but the gray area of where does the line get drawn between enjoyment and discipline is hard for me to see.   Anyway, this is where I am and what I am wrestling with as I prepare to start chapter four of The Sermon on the Mount by Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones.