Risk

Gypsy Mama. Five Minute Friday

Start.

Risk.

I have never been big on risk.

I generally will not take a step forward or sideways or back even until I have analyzed the risk in it. Boring to most, but to me, it was just how I did life from as far back as I can remember. I do not like to feel unsure or scared or the least bit threatened. I do not like to make a fool of myself and I really, really detest rejection. I live cautiously, I danced cautiously and sometimes, as ridiculous as this sounds. I find myself running cautiously.

But then I became a Mom.

Three times over.

Risk became a daily companion.

Recently I have started to realize the need to challenge myself. Step out of my comfort zone. To choose to do one thing every day that has some risk in it. Whether it is to run like Phoebe in Friends (because that is SO much more fun than running cautiously) or if it is to write and allow others to read it, or to love and pour myself out for the three lives that have been entrusted to me, knowing full well no parent can guarantee the outcome, there is a freedom and a vitality that comes with risk. The exhiliration when you throw yourself out there knowing you will either fly or flop is - well there is nothing quite like it. Yes there is the possibility of pain or rejection or even failure, but more than that there is the promise of something bigger than I can imagine or plan out. It is a daily laying of my life in the palm of His hand and trusting that He will give me what I need when I need it, whether it is wings to soar or comfort when I have fallen. And even more so the daily laying of my children in His hand and trusting Him to be what they need when they need it. That moment, that risk of laying it all in His hand and stepping back....

stop.