Monday, November 25, 2013

Random Tidbits

Well I went to the cardiologist and as far as he can tell my heart looks healthy and normal - PRAISE GOD!  I have PVC's - which are normal and happen to almost everyone.  I am not sure why they flare up at certain times, but I have noticed that if I fail to drink 8 glasses of water every day that they are a lot more noticeable.  I am just SO SO relieved everything is ok :).

I had an MRI on my knee this past Friday and tomorrow I go to find out the extent of the damage and whether I need surgery or not.  It hurts today, I have been able to hobble around on it, mostly without having to use the crutches...but today it hurts to put weight on it again.  I haven't been able to fully straighten it or bend it for almost two weeks I am thinking his guess that I tore or flipped my meniscus is correct.

I  am on day 71 of Bible in 90 days!  I will actually finish (if I stay on target) on day 88, the two extra days are grace days in case you get God willing I have a little under three weeks to complete the challenge.

I have a reading list I am getting prepped for the New Year.  I have a list of books I really, really want to read, but I keep putting it off until "tomorrow" and "tomorrow" never seems to arrive.  So I am going to have to make it a goal with a specific completion date planned in order to accomplish it.  Speaking of reading, one of my very favorite authors, Diane Moody, just published her Tea Cup Novella # 5 which completes her series.  If you have never read one of Diane Moody's books I HIGHLY recommend them.  My favorites books of hers are Blue Christmas, Tea Cup Novellas, and Of Windmills and War.

Happy Thanksgiving!  We are having some sweet friends over on Thanksgiving Day and I am excited for it.  I cannot believe 2013 is winding down.  This year has, for the most part, been a big awful blur.  I can honestly say I am looking forward with hope-filled eyes to a much better year in 2014! 

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Praise You In this Storm (Lyrics in Italics from Casting Crown - link at bottom of post)

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

This has been a hard year for us.  It started around Christmas time last year, and it has literally been one thing after another.

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

There are times that I have to be honest and say I don't even hear Your whisper.  My knuckles are white from gripping as hard as I can.  I am clinging to You, to Your Word.  And still the hard days keep rolling out and over and around us.

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

You and YOU alone are worthy of my praise.  You are good all of the time, even when the things in my day to day life seem to scream, 'this is too hard, too much', everything that happens has to go through You first.  You are faithful and just.  You are good and holy.  You are sovereign.  You and You alone are God.

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

There have been days, weeks, and sometimes months where I feel like I cannot find You.  It is so silent.  I grab my Bible and I read, but feel nothing, no reassurance, no peace.  I pray and journal and seek You and I feel like you are not to be found.  But n the quiet, after my tears are spent the thought comes that 'faith is not a feeling'.  I take a deep breath, dry my cheeks, and chuckle.  Indeed it is not.  Your Word does not lie.  You have promised over and over never to leave me or forsake me.  I must hold on to that.  Because when it is all said and done that is all the matters anyway, right?

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

Thank You God.  Thank You for the hard days.  For the sick days.  For the injured days.  For the emotional days.  For the days when my heart feels like it is going to stop and not beat correctly.  Thank You for the knee injury, for a husband who comes and scoops me up and dries my tears and loves me enough to sit by the bathtub to make sure I am safe.  Who will get up super early to help me with the doggie.   For three kids who have put my socks on for me, who have gotten me water, and carried my meals to and from the table for me.  Thank You for an awesome Pediatric Neurologist for my child, for compassionate and kind doctors and nurses.  For medications that help, for friends who write and call and encourage.  Thank You for offers of help, for emails, and cards.  Thank You for the silent days because it has caused me to dig deeper and lean harder.  Forgive me for when I have grumbled, complained, and cried tears of self pity.  You are so incredibly faithful and patient.

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Casting Crown Lyrics

Thursday, November 14, 2013

when it rains, it pours...

This year has been so hard for us.  I have said that so many times, but I still cannot wrap my mind around all that has happened.  The latest?  Our car isn't working...again.  My computer acts up and the screen turns black and I have to push the start button to turn it off and back on.  Then I pray like crazy that it will turn back on again.  And I am on crutches...I hurt my knee.  The day after I got my heart monitor off!   I spent yesterday morning in the ER, am going to the Orthopedic tomorrow morning, praying it will just heal on it's own! 

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Early Mornings

I love the early morning hush of our house.  Especially in the fall and winter.  The cool crispness that greets me as I venture from the warmth of my blankets and tip toe down the hall listening to the quiet hush of even sleep filled breathing.  I giggle almost every morning as I round the corner and hear the gentle snoring of my doggie. 

I light my candle, fix my breakfast (this morning a bowl of oatmeal, but yesterday I still had one pumpkin pie bagel leftover, so I spread a light layer of butter and toasted it and YUM!)  I miss my coffee the most first thing in the morning.  And when I drive by Starbucks and see their holiday decor and realize I will not be getting to drink a Decaf Gingerbread Latte this year :(.

I have my Bible and my journal ready to go.  Sometimes I will play some soft music, sometimes I revel in the silence, but sometimes I find my mind so full of thoughts I need to dump what's there before I can start fresh for the day.  So as my bird clock gently chirps the hour, I take pen to paper.

May God bless each of you today, may His face shine upon you.  May you find your deepest comfort, your highest joy, and your greatest satisfaction in Him!

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Happy November

Oh my!  It is November already.  The trees are changing and so we have been enjoying absolutely drop dead gorgeous fall days.  I love, love, love fall.  Life has continued to trickle by, time passing unnoticed.  I have to be honest and say I am so, so glad to see this year drawing to a close.  This has been one of the most difficult years that my family and I have faced in a long time.  I have found myself struggling to truly rest in Who God is and at the same point come to grips with who I am not.   

I am reading through the Bible in 90 days and doing a daily Bible reading program.  It is neat to do the parallel.  I was going to throw in the towel on Bible in 90 days because I started off behind (like waaaaaaaaaay behind!).  But then when I went to the cardiologist appointments for myself and multiple doctor appointments for my child, I walked away from those appointments wanting nothing more than to be as deep in His Word as I could be and as close to His presence as I could be.  So, I have grasped both plans with both hands and have been so so blessed by them.  God is so much bigger than I can wrap my mind around. I read and come away with more questions than I do answers!  But instead of frustrating me, it intrigues me and makes me want to dig deeper.  This will be the first time that I have a daily reading plan to carry me after Bible in 90 days ends at the beginning of December.  I love the daily plan Bible that was given to me for my 37th birthday!  Reading straight through you get a "big picture" perspective, but lose a lot of the important moments of letting it marinate and seep in slowly to your heart. 

I read a quote somewhere recently (I wish I had paid attention to who wrote it and what is said exactly, but I was rushing from point a to point b), it said something to this effect : let every moment of conflict today be an opportunity to see how fast you can forgive someone who has hurt you, lavish grace upon them, especially if they do not deserve it.  I thought "oh wow that is an AWESOME idea".  Well I had NO idea God was going to provide me with AMPLE opportunity to practice that.  It is so simple really, the concept of forgiveness.  But it is gut wrenchingly hard to surrender my feelings and thoughts (especially when it seems unfair!) and do life His way.  SO so hard.  But as I am reading through the Bible I keep getting smacked in the face with my own sin.  I want God to be quick to forgive me and smooth over my rough edges, so why wouldn't I be willing to do that for others, especially those that I love?

Well I hope your November's are off to an amazing start!