Have you ever had those moments in life where you feel like you got a glimpse of yourself, and you see yourself as others see you and you are embarrassed - humiliated - by what you see? By what others see? Maybe it's that you thought you were more than what you are or at least that there was less of _______ (impatience, greed, entitlement, messy/sloppiness, gluttony, anger, gossip, criticism...) than what there actually is.
This is grace.
Grace that God humbled you, pulled the blinders off, allowing you to see - it hurts, but it is a good hurt. Like a surgeon cutting the disease away or operating on a broken bone or torn tissue - it hurts - but it is needed.
This week was centered on the Beatitude: "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." Matt 5:5, and as this was Holy Week and today is the Sunday we mark the resurrection of our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, I am SO SO incredibly thankful for Jesus.
He is truly my only hope.
My mess is not containable, it is not fixable. My heart cannot be covered up in the sense of just hiding it under a cover - whether that attempt is in outward appearances - from clothing and jewelry and weight loss/fitness to organizational attempts or having others think well of me or my attempts at inward work - self help, planning, reading, journaling... No my heart does desperately need a cover - but the kind of cover that cleans out, covers the cost, and fills it with what it was made to be filled with. And that only comes from God through Jesus.
So, this week was humbling, but I am so thankful for it. I love being under the mighty hand of God -
1 Peter 5:6. When He is done, He will lift me up - I don't have to figure out how to pull myself up by my own bootstraps - thank the good, good, Lord.
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