National Hobbit Day, First Day of Fall, and the loss of Buddy

This month has been hard.

I turned fifty this month, just a little over a week after we lost Buddy.

Ironically, I had just said, days before Buddy got sick, that for the first time in about six years, I was excited to celebrate my birthday.  I was finally able to look back at the past six years, all that we have walked through, all that we have faced, which also included the loss of two of our other dogs (both traumatic) with more joy than sadness.

Then abruptly, Buddy got sick and we lost him.

Before you roll your eyes and say "that's ridiculous", I would like to point out that furries can (and do) fill the gaps in ways you don't realize until you are either homebound and/or struggle with a chronic illness.  From the time that my kiddos were very young, and as I began to fully realize the extent that "normal" life would be challenging for them, our furries stepped into the gap, filling up holes for friendship, emotional regulation and support, and comfort that are hard to give voice to.  

These guys became our literal best friends and we were their whole world.  Whether in Arendale's case where he became totally dependent upon us to keep him alive, or Tanner, who in the last portion of his life, was paralyzed and dependent on us to get from one point to another, we were likewise leaning into them.  Their presence, comfort, and ability to listen without judging (one of a dog's best traits).  So when they were gone - it - well I don't actually have the words to describe the sense of loss that occurred.  

But with Buddy, the grief has been even deeper, the loss has touched every single area.  He was our everything (because unlike with Tanner and Arendale, Buddy was our only dog for a long stretch of time and went (almost) everywhere with us).  I called him my furry son, and my girls' furry brother - he was involved in every single area of our lives.  Bad day - Buddy often knew before I did if a seizure or meltdown was coming.  Getting sick?  Buddy would often times sense it and velcro to the person who wasn't feeling well.  Sad?  Buddy was always on hand to crawl into your lap and get as close as be could, almost as if he was trying to take the sadness from you.  Stressful outing or hard appointment?  Buddy was waiting for us when we got home.  We would scoop him up and kiss him and love him and just absorb his furry preciousness.  

I miss him so, so, so very much.  

In the past year he experienced some serious stomach issues, so his care became a bit more detailed and now - the medicine in the morning, the morning walk, the making sure he was eating (he was handfed - three times a day to alleviate the strain on his tummy/digestive system) - all of this is suddenly gone.  

And I am so very sad.  

I found myself not wanting to celebrate my birthday.  To delay the dinner and the movies (we always let the birthday person spend the month of their birthday picking and watching all of their favorite movies), presents...all of it.  

I asked to just wait.  

Because I was turning fifty and had planned several things with Buddy in mind and he all of a sudden wasn't here.  And silly things - like a new coffee shop is opening and every time we drive by it I would say - I can't wait until ________ opens.  And now Buddy (who, of course, NEVER drinks coffee, but sometimes would accompany me on my coffee run) isn't here and it will open without him.  And I cry every time I drive by - silly I know.  But it's just a reminder that life is moving on and he's gone.

We were in the middle of reading The Hobbit aloud and that book has been the perfect thing to carry us through.  I don't know what it is about that story, but it has been such a good anchor these past few weeks.  Even when we could just read a page or two.

So - yesterday was National Hobbit Day and the first day of Fall.  And to celebrate, since it was finally cooler than 3, 657 degrees it has been almost every day this summer, we made cinnamon applesauce bread.  First time I have turned on the oven in months.  And this morning we toasted the leftover bread for breakfast and turned the last pages of the book, my heart is sad, realizing that life is just a series of goodbyes and letting go.  

And I do not like goodbyes.

 

Buddy 

May 29, 2012 - September 5, 2026

Thank you so much little guy for loving us so well.  You were our everything and our hearts are broken.  

P.S. Babycakes, mumzy loves you.

What I read as my Kindle Unlimited membership wraps up for the summer...

I forgot to note that I pre-read a book for one of my girls - Crowns of Croswald by D.E. Night and it was a really cute read.

I also read:

Plotting Summer by Jess Heileman

Beachy Keen by Kasey Stockton

Summer Ever After by Kortney Kiesel

Beauty and the Beach by Gracie Ruth Mitchell

and 

Summer Tease by Martha Keyes.

I did not (and probably will not) get to the last one in the series, but that's ok.  I read them out of order and I think that was probably not the best way to read the series, oopsy 😑 

The past few weeks have been full of appointments, unbearable heat, and hard moments - so these books have definitely been such a treat.  

PS Robin, I tried twice to leave a comment on my last post but it kept disappearing,  Even though it would say 'publishing' - it never published and when I refreshed the screen, it was gone.  BUT I wanted to say thank you for such a sweet comment and I absolutely LOVE the word Flufferton.  It is the BEST word to describe these cozy books. (I had forgotten you used that word in a post a while ago on your site - it is such a great word).

Rebel Summer +

(I posted this same review on goodreads, but am adding to it on here 😊)

OK - so this book (Rebel Summer by Cindy Steel) is the ultimate hallmark cozy romance in story form.  

I have struggled with reading this summer, berating myself for reading mainly comfort and fluffy pieces, but that is all my brain can handle right now.  I am not in a season where deep reading, deep thought, or deep study is possible (beyond my morning Bible study/reading).  

Reading seems to fulfill different purposes for different seasons and I find that summer (I signed up for Kindle Unlimited this summer) tends to be escape reading for me - especially as a special needs mom - I find myself craving the distraction and escape that fluffy, clean, cozy romance and/or mysteries provide.  All that to say that this book is now my favorite cozy read.  In fact, I read it again as soon as I finished the first read through (twice in one week!)

I also wanted to include all the titles I have read since I last posted - I am not kidding when I say I basically have spent the summer using any free moments I have soaking up and reveling in Hallmark Christmas, romance, and/or mysteries that I could find.  And in that I discovered a new favorite author - Cindy Steel.

Cotswold Holiday by Kasey Stockton

An Unexpected Boyfriend for Christmas by Janette Rallison

A Cross Country Christmas by Courtney Walsh

Red Rope of Fate by K.M. Shea

and then of course Rebel Summer x2 😅

I am curious - does anyone else struggle with guilt when they read fluffy books instead of deeper, more meaningful classic type of literature, or is that just a 'me' thing?  Does anyone else also find they do not have the bandwidth to handle deep thinking when days are long and hard?  I prefer reading to watching and I like books that I don't have to worry that something spicy or smutty will spill into a scene.  

Also I really appreciate the lack of language (I actually find curse words and foul language so distracting in a story).  In fact, earlier this year I started reading Remarkably Bright Creatures after hearing over and over and over again what a great story it was.  I finally put it down because the cussing became so distracting to me that I couldn't get in to the story.  Maybe someday I will be able to finish it because I am really intrigued by the Octopus p.o.v.

Romans 1

A Man Called Paul - Dr. Martyn-Lloyd Jones 

(you can access these videos from Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones free - simply type in Dr. Martyn-Lloyd Jones full series on the book of Romans)

These are my observations and notes from the first video - it took me a lot longer than I expected to carve out the time to a) listen and take notes and then b) write this blog post. But, no matter how long it takes, I am praying I can work my way through the entire book of Romans.

As I listened to this sermon - this verse in Acts popped into my mind:

From one man He made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands.  God did this so that they would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from any one of us.  For in Him we live and move and have our being.  (Acts 17:26-28a)

I never considered Paul's background before.  But in the first video Dr. Lloyd-Jones spends almost the entire first sermon examining who Paul was as a person...it is absolutely mind blowing.  Think about this - who was Paul?  He was a Jew who sat at the foot of one of the greatest Pharisees/expounders of the Law.  Where was he born?  In Tarsus, one of three leading Greek cultural hubs - (Athens and Alexandria being the other two).  What was his citizenship?  He held Roman citizenship.  These facts coupled with the incredible mind that God gave to him, when you peer through this lens and examine his life and ministry - it is absolutely God who ordained, carried Paul forward, and  prepared him for a ministry that he (Paul) had no inclination would unfold.

Through Paul's life alone we can trace the truth of those two and a half verses in Acts.  God determined where and when Paul would live.  He endowed Paul with a great mind, knowledge inside and out of the Law - so that he would be able to show Jesus to the Jews in and through their Law.  The Law that God gave them thousands of years before Jesus was born.  He provided that Paul would be educated in Greek literature and that he would be a citizen of Rome - all so that - he (Paul) would become an apostle to the Gentiles.

Absolutely, breathtakingly, mind blowing.

What I have read...

So, I have Kindle Unlimited for the summer (through the end of August) and I think (since this is the second summer I have done this) I am going to do this as a summer "treat" each year.  Because I have Kindle Unlimited, I have been able to read books that (a) my library doesn't own a copy of, (b) I don't necessarily want to buy, and (c) I can try them and not waste money because sometimes, despite all the great reviews...quite honestly they are a total flop.

SO - with that said - I kind of went on a sort of "Hallmark/Great American Family Cozy Christmas-style Book Bonanza" with my reading.

The Holiday Stand-In by Kortney Keisel - SUPER cute Christmasy book.  You know how its going to end, what is going to unfold, but you love each cozy moment anyways.

The Bodyguard's Fall by Cindy Steel - OK, so Cindy Steel has quickly become a new favorite author of mine.  I LOVED this - HIGHLY recommend it!

Cotswold Holiday by Kasey Stockton - this was a meh...ok-ish, would not read again type of book.

Later on We'll Conspire by Kortney Keisel - this one was a total flop for me.  I did NOT like it, even in suspending belief for a moment...it was a total flop.

Christmas Baggage by Deborah Hathaway - I thought this one was SUPER cute - LOVED it!

I also re-listened to Magic Forged by K.M. Shea as we drove to and from multiple appointments.

Host for the Holidays

by Martha Keyes 

I think this is a SUPER cute Christmas read.  I heard about this book on Jansen Bradshaw's website (it is full of booklists and reviews).  I LOVED it.  It is clean and sweet and I loved the main character Madi!!!

I also re-listened to K.M. Shea's Hall of Blood and Mercy (book two).  

I also just finished the book of Isaiah in my reading plan and guess what I discovered?  The book of Romans quotes Isaiah quite a bit - more than I ever realized.  It is SO cool.  Did you also know that the book of Isaiah ends with chapter 66 and in verse 8, it says this :

"Can a country be born in a day or a nation be brought forth in a moment?  Yet no sooner is Zion in labor than she gives birth to her children."

Israel became a nation again on November 29, 1947.  The Dead Sea scrolls were discovered beginning in 1947.  The entire book of Isaiah was (eventually) found in the dead sea scrolls dates back to circa 100-125 B.C.  God is faithful. 

Romans

As Martyn Lloyd-Jones begins his exposition of Romans, he asks if we have taken the time to really study this book, do we realize the importance of this particular epistle?  

It has been particularly responsible for many conversions (he listed three people that had profound impacts on the early church development and shaping - St. Augustine, Martin Luther, and John Wesley) and as such, it is worthy of our time and attention to give it more than just a cursory reading.  

Paul - he is the one writing this letter to predominately Gentile Christians in Rome - the central hub of politics, business, trade (etc;) in the then known world.  If you read Philippians 3 (which Dr. Lloyd-Jones encourages you to do) it will be even more amazing that someone like Paul (the Jew of Jews) would be the one writing this letter.  The people he is writing to - these are the very people he was seeking to wipe out.  He hated Christians.  

What sort of man was Paul?  I never stopped to consider beyond the typical - oh he was an author of a large portion of the NT, or he was an apostle that was converted on the road to Damascus.  But Dr. Lloyd-Jones pauses here and takes an in-depth look - 

This is as far as I have gotten, the past few weeks have been bumpy.  Hoping this next week I can make more progress.  

Fixed Up

by Jessica Leigh Johnson

OK, so, for a large part of the story I did NOT like Meg (the main character)...at all.  For probably the first 2/3 of the book I focused on just getting through the book so that I could log it and move on.  But then, as the the last 1/3 of the book unfolded, I cried and laughed and finally enjoyed the story.  

After finishing it, I lay there and thought over what I just read.  Generational sin is a real thing.  Parents and grandparents rarely realize the lasting impact of their words and actions - the ripple effect that touches generations of hearts (good and bad) - and this book PERFECTLY illustrates that.  Highly recommend reading.

I also read Faking Christmas by Cindy Steel.  SUPER cute.  

Romans

I am going to start an in-depth study of the book of Romans.  I have long been fascinated by this book of the Bible, specifically chapters 6-8.  I am currently working through John MacArthur's study on the book of James and this past week, as a part of the study, he had the text of Romans 7:5-25 listed.  As I struggled through it, I realized that I really, really wanted (needed!) to dig deeply into the entire book of Romans. 

I also recalled that all of Dr. Martin Lloyd-Jones's sermons (366 of them!) - his exposition of the book of Romans - are free through you-tube.  I also have two other books (one by R.C. Sproul and one by Timothy Keller) that I am going to use as a sort of commentary as I go.

I am excited and nervous (...so really nervousited 😂) to begin.  

I read a book years ago (probably have blog posts about it on here) by Watchman Nee (The Normal Christian Life) and that also led to me reading and re-reading the book of Romans.  But as I progressed in my study of Romans, I quickly spun myself into circles.  At the time I did not have a good solid foundational habit of daily reading the Word of God and that really made a big difference in my ability to discern God's voice and His Word (Scripture truly does interpret Scripture).  This time though, I have developed a (mostly) consistent habit of reading the Bible and have grown in my ability to study Scripture, so I am hopeful and excited to see what God teaches me through this.

My goal - read the book of Romans repeatedly.  

Try to listen to a sermon a day - while exercising, washing dishes etc; (so take the time that I normally devote to either letting my mind wonder (i.e. fixate on and gnaw over one problem or another) or read fluffy books - and instead devote it to Dr. Lloyd-Jones' sermons).    

I will use this blog to track my progress. 💖

Hard days, unmet goals, and some good (& not so good) books that I have read...

Well, it has been a bit since I posted - 

We have had a lot of hard days recently.  I don't know what else to say about it - except that it has been hard.

It is July.  

Which means we are half way through the year.  

So, naturally, I take a quick look around to see the status of any goals I set back in December/January.  And, almost always, it is a bit discouraging to see how little progress I've made.  This year is no different, but after a conversation with a friend this past week I realize maybe I need to change how I look at progress.  

So, with that conversation in mind, I took another glance at our year and I see little pockets of growth.  One day, one week, or one month - I had a set number of challenges to complete and when I reframe how I define progress, I feel encouraged rather than discouraged.  Life isn't linear (in our case it is more like a wild roller coaster), so why should I expect growth/progress to be?

I cannot remember the last book I logged on here, so I will just highlight the ones that I am enjoying :

Emma M. Lion series (seriously - if you haven't read/listened to this - you NEED to!), two more in the Brand of Justice series by Lisa Phillips (picking this back up from last summer), and a few odds and ends books.  Reading this year hasn't been as easy or as instinctive as the past few years, but I am ever so thankful for the 52 weeks reading challenge (LESTER)!! It keeps me moving forward when I would be tempted to just give up.

I am in the middle of 2 Chronicles with the smattering of Psalms that are so very lovely sprinkled in (chronological plan), and I am working my way through the Book of James study by John MacArthur.  

rainy days

It has been unusually rainy for the past week or so, and I couldn't love it more.  Normally by this time we are beginning to creep in to the triple digit era of summer.

Have I mentioned that I hate summertime?

I am not built for the heat, and where I live, it is basically a nine month summer.  

*sigh*

I am LOVING The Selected Journals of Emma M. Lion.  I started book five last night.  I LOVE the narrator - she does SUCH a great job!   This series reminds me of a mix of Anne of Green Gables, Jane Austen, Gilmore Girls, Jane Eyre (a bit!) and The Guernsey and Literary Potato Peel Society,   I love how much she loves books!!

I am in 1 Chronicles (with Psalms scattered in) for the chronological Bible plan I am using and I am so thankful for the person(s) who created this plan.  I cannot believe what a difference this makes in my grasp of God - who He is, what He has done, what He is doing, and what He will do. 

Have a great rest of the week.

Two planned and one completely spontaneous

Re-read Emma M. Lion because I forgot I started the series (back in February!) and went ahead and listened to book two.  You HAVE to listen to this series (and read it!) because you need to experience the absolute joy of the narrator - she is SUPERB. (series by Beth Brower)

I also picked up a book, The One with the Kiss Cam by Cindy Steel, on a total spontaneous splurge and it was SO good!  I read it in one night.  Really enjoyed it and highly recommend it! (bonus, it has zero spice and is clean!)

Twenty-six years later...

three kids, countless pets, innumerable appointments, housing drama, moment upon moment has stacked up to equal such a beautiful and enduring love.  I am so thankful for my husband and love him more today than I did when we were young, clueless, and naively entering into marriage.  So thankful he asked and that he proved to be even more wonderful than I thought I knew him to be,  I love you Richard.

Re-read The Charmed Life by Jenny B Jones

this week and it was just what I needed.  

Easy, quirky, and cozy.

So much has happened in the past few weeks, but we are finding ourselves, slowly but surely getting back to a semblance of a schedule.  And for that I am so thankful.

Every summer it seems like we have some sort of wildlife show up to our house.  (we have had foxes, opossums, raccoons, turtles, and snakes (ICK)...and the list goes on and on)

Last year a Carolina Wren built a nest in my potted plants right by our front door, a mommy and daddy duck splashed around on our street for about a month, and hawks, an owl, and some turkey vultures made an appearance.  This year the ducks (I am not exactly sure it's the same ducks, but in my mind it is the exact same ducks 😁) made a cameo for one day only and a pair of brown thrasher's are currently living in our front yard area.  I know they are territorial and can be aggressive - but so far ours are just funny.  They haven't chased off any other wildlife or bothered the other birds building nests nearby.  

Hopefully it will stay that way.  

I have been thinking a lot about surrender these past few weeks.  And how hard it is, but how it blankets your soul in only a peace God can give - surrendering to His way - His timing - His outcome. The peace isn't always a feeling or a relief from your grief, anxiety, fear, or sadness, but it is a certainty - that God has you and has this, and somehow, someway it will all be ok.  So although the feeling of peace doesn't always follow obedience, the certainty of it does.

So much of life is mundane, that we seem genuinely shocked when life suddenly changes - at least I am.  Even with our unpredictable days and the chaos hard days can bring, it still jolts me when things suddenly change - and I am (again!) reminded that I do not and can not control anything.  Every moment that I thought I had things under control, it was just an illusion.   

May was horrible...

I am so glad that we are bidding this month good-bye.  We are just now celebrating one of our daughter's birthdays this weekend and it feels good to say "good-bye May".  We hope when you come around again next year, that it is with gentler tidings and better memories.  I am thankful that we survived this month, but I would not want to re-live it.

I re-read/re-listened to two books this week - The Princess Companion by Melanie Cellier and So Not Happening by Jenny B Jones.    I find such comfort in re-reading and re-listening (and re-watching).

I am working my way through a John MacArthur study on the book of James right now, and it is coming at the perfect time.  God is so incredibly faithful.

Hope you guys have a great weekend. 💖

Calm My Anxious Heart

by Linda Dillow

This book was originally published in 1998 and was somewhat hard to find.  I finally found a used copy that someone with a VERY bright yellow highlighter owned.  

Years ago, when we first began homeschooling, a mom shared the following quote on a blog post (and it cited this book as the source, which was what originally drew me to the title) :

Never allow yourself to complain about anything - not even the weather.

Never picture yourself in any other circumstance or someplace else.

Never compare your lot with another's.

Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.

Never dwell on tomorrow - remember that (tomorrow) is God's, not ours. 

I was intrigued by these precepts and copied them down.  But then life unfolded, and I forgot about the book.  And then last year, another special needs mom recommended the title again so I pulled it out and put it on my TBR shelf with plans to read it soon.  

This past week was the perfect time for me to read this, and I am so glad that I did.  

I highly recommend tracking down a copy of this book (I just checked and not only is it now available on k!ndle, @m@zon also offers it in paperback - NEW!  I guess it was re-printed in 2020, which is awesome!)  

Lynette Eason

Have you ever read any books from this author?  She is a fantastic Christian suspense author.  I really enjoy (most) of her books.

This week I finished book three A Killer Among Us, from the Women of Justice series.  I did not read book one, book two was a bit too creepy for my liking (but I did push through and finish it), and I am glad I gave book three a chance.  It was much better than book two.

Have a great weekend. 

Two books this year and that shifted everything...

There are two books, the BEST books I have read in a very, very long time (probably since Insanity of God).  Both have been recommended/gifted by the same friend and both have met me right where I needed them to meet me.  

Some people have that gift, they can read a book and just know who should read it next.  

My friend Tiffany has that gift. 

The first book was, of course, Theo of Golden.  

The second book : Even If He Doesn't by Kristen LaValley.  This book is SO, so, SOOOOO good.  

If you are going through a hard season (we seem to be perpetually parked in the middle of hard) or if you know/love/support someone who is - you NEED to read this book.  

This is SUCH an important book on how to suffer well.  How to pray well.  How to live well.  Especially when you do NOT understand why it's so hard.  

If you are only hanging on to your faith by the tips of your fingernails - you HAVE to read this book.  

Or if you simply want to love someone well through their hard, you need to read this book.  

It is so beautiful, so rich, deep, and comforting.  

I cannot recommend this book enough.  

Yummy coffees and good reads

I am normally a hot coffee gal through and through.  But my youngest loves coffee as much (if not more than) I do and she prefers iced coffees.  Lately we have perfected an iced mocha here at home that is SO, SO good. 

I read book two in Lynette Eason's series (Extreme Measures) called Crossfire.  I enjoyed it EVER so much more than book one.  I really liked Julianna and Dottie, the author did a good job of nailing down the creepy aspect of the mystery, while simultaneously capturing the challenges and vulnerabilities those with mental illness face on a daily basis, and the details she provides with her stories are top notch and engaging.

I am reading a book a friend of mine recommended, called Even If He Doesn't by Kristen LaValley.  I am not quite done with it yet, but OH MY GOODNESS, this book is SO, so, SO good.  One of my favorite quotes comes at the very beginning of the book (actually it's in the author's note):

"If you compare your pain to someone else's and find yours to be greater, you diminish their suffering.  If you compare your pain and find theirs to be greater, you diminish your own.  And who can really scale the weight of suffering?  I certainly can't."

I cannot tell you how many times I have shared that we are having a hard day and been told "well at least your girls don't have ____, or at least you don't experience ______..." Nothing feels more isolating than to try and share your hard with those who are closest to you and to be shut down by comparing your load with someone else's.  In the moments when I am struggling I do not want to be compared to someone else.  That does NOT provide perspective, it shuts down communication and sharing.   

As I am reading, I (to my shame) realize how frequently I jump to conclusions on why God is allowing something to unfold and why (or why He doesn't) move in that situation in a certain way.  The truth is, none of us can be 100% sure why God allows what He allows, we can only be 100% of Who He Is.  His character is the anchor, not the outcome.  

I am about halfway through this and so far 100% recommend this book.  You have either walked through suffering, are walking through it, or will walk through it in the future - so this is a book you will want to read and re-read.  💖